Winter In Training(ON HIATUS)

James Barnes Pt 2

James cried until he couldn't any longer. He just could not believe that not only had he been married in the past but he also had a kid. James took a deep shaky breath and opened the scrapbook. The first picture was of his daughter. The photo read "Aug 1942. James holding his little girl, Sarah RW Barnes. She held onto her daddy's finger- could not be more joyed. Pa eventually fell asleep with his snoozing angel" Both Steve and James blinked away tears but especially James. This really hurt James. He remembered wanting kids when he was a young teen but seeing that he had actually accomplished this and now, he had no memories of his kids.

"Sarah" James whispered, not exactly knowing what to do with this information. "Her name was Sarah," he added, tears streaming down his cheeks. He then looked at the next photo.

This one was a picture of Sarah, May and himself. James looked at Steve who just smiled.

"Yeah. I remember this day. You and Sarah spent the entire day laughing at each other as well as May. But I remember seeing May off to the side, holding her stomach. I remember asking her if she felt okay and she just nodded and let it roll off of her back" Steve explained and then they looked back at the photo to read what it said next to it. "June 1943. Today, we had our first family photos. Sarah had a blast. Neither one knows that I am pregnant with our second". James let out a choked and heavy sob. Steve nodded, knowing about baby Colson.

"She was pregnant with her second?" James turned to Steve and he nodded at his friend.

"She named him Colson James Barnes" Steve explained and it hit James. He suddenly remembered the letter. The letter where May had told him about their second kid. Their boy. Their little Colson. He remembered showing Steve the letter and basically jumping around, happy to have a son. It completed their family. His heart broke again to see that he wasn't there to see their family. He turned the page to see the next photos. The first photo was of a smiling Sarah. It read "November 1943. Sarah was having a bad day so I filled her mind with stories of her dad. She really misses him today" Tears were now actively streaming down James's face. He hated hearing about his wife and daughter in pain. He then looked at the next picture. It skipped forward a couple of years as the photo was now dated after his "death". At first, James looked away, not really sure if he could look at it. death. It was of Sarah and Colson. It read September 1946. It was Uncle Eugene's birthday today. Seeing them with Eugene, it made me really miss you, James. Always love you. Don't forget time" James looked to Steve for some kind of explanation. But then he looked back to see the last phrase. "Don't forget time". This made James break down.

"That was our fucking phrase" he choked out, tears falling from his eyes once more.

"She never gave up hope. At least not right away. She eventually got married again but not until the 70s, Buck. I mean, when she told me, I was shocked. I mean, you were epic for her. You two were the great love story. I mean, her heart beat for you. It had never occurred to me that she would ever be with anyone else" Steve explained and James sadly nodded, completely understanding what his friend was saying. It hurt to think about his wife moving on but he understood why.

"Okay, I understand" James said and he turned the page. The next picture was of Uncle Eugene with both kids. The caption to the photo read "August 1946. Today, Sarah was really missing her dad so Eugene volunteered to take both kids for a walk to the park. He made her day". As much as it hurt, he loved seeing Eugene care for his kids as if they were his own. Steve put his hand on James's shoulder.

"James, I think that this is enough for today" Steve tried to say but James shook his head at him. Steve then tried to actually close the scrapbook but James glared at him.

"Steve, don't you even think about it. I have to finish it. I have to see how my kids ended up" he said, tears threatening to leave his stark blue eyes. "I have to, Steve," he said, his voice beginning to break.

The next picture, which was of Colson laughing, was dated Feb 1947. It was captioned "Today was Colson's third birthday. He had a blast. But he saw all of these kids with their dads and he began to really miss you. I told him that you were watching him from wherever you are" it said. Immediately, James broke down into tears.

"I was right here. I was right fucking here" he sobbed. Steve wrapped his arms around James, pulling him into his chest. James did not usually like expressing his feelings but right now, James was too broken to do anything else.

"You know what, James. This isn't good for you. You have to take a break, okay. This is not going to be good for you in the long run" Steve said, trying to take the scrapbook from his hands. James just let him do it as he was too broken to fight back. Steve put the scrapbook to the side and just brought his friend into his arms. James began to cry really hard.

"I think I loved her, Steve. Like really loved h-her" he sobbed, his shoulders shaking. Steve kissed the top of James's head, not really knowing what to do to calm his friend down.

After a few minutes, James had stopped crying and had since fallen asleep. Steve tucked him in and left the room.