Take a shot - Minsung

17 - Minho

Sitting in the waiting room and filling out the form was easy, going to the appointments was easy, but what wasn't easy was getting the letter, of when I would be fully admitted to rehab, I would be there for a few months and then I would come out. Knowing the date felt like knowing your death date, and not being able to do anything about it.

But I could do something about it, I didn't have to wait. For so long it had felt like my life was still motionless, suspended in silent animation. Like a picture, one of pain, I hope to be like Dorian Grey that way, have my portrait change. But now my life feels like it's going, almost at a crescendo, or was I, was this all some build up for nothing.

I did come to me once or twice that I wouldn't get anything out of rehab, that it would be like jail, but I also hoped for change, or more me becoming who I always was.

Spending time with my friends before I told them the date felt different, more special, as though I were a butterfly destined to fly away, something you wished you took a photo of or kept when clearing your room out. I felt more wanted, like every second with them meant something.

'I'm going into rehab soon' is say, almost silently in the darkness of Jisung's room, the window is open and the moonlight is filtering through the soft white curtains, there's a rush of wind from out side and he says nothing, but kisses me on the cheek. And then we look at each other. This is what motionlessness should feel like, we're noting but paper swans laying still on a lake with the moonlight being our audience, the night being the only witness, to our kiss.

Jisung kissed me, it wasn't some goodbye kiss, but it was a kiss that meant something, it felt perfect, like when two ends of paper meet up perfectly, I guess in the grand scheme of things we are just paper, to be placed, moved and redesigned, but I want this moment to stay the same. My face snuggled into Jisung's chest and him running his hands through me hair, I wish I was a cloud, candy floss, but I feel more like the air like any moment I'll just disappear.

I don't know when I fall asleep, weather it was before or after Jisung, during the silence or beyond it, but I know it happened, that's the funny thing about events, you can never truly recount them, even if you were there and in all honesty I couldn't tell you how I got here, I'm just happy I did.

Thanks for reading, I have no idea why that chapter felt so much like the ending there are still like 8 chapters left
Also I've just been listening to some 3racha and was wondering what people's favourite 3racha song is?