first love ⁀➷ y.jw ✓

30

"Hyewon, open the door. It's me." I hear my brother's soft voice from outside my door.

I ignore him calling out for me, looking straight at the wall with blank, emotionless thoughts.

"It's only Heeseung. No one else is here but me. Open the door, Hyewon."

I was currently on my bed facing the wall, buried in my blankets barely being able to blink due to my severely puffy and sore eyes. My voice practically gone from screaming at this point, I didn't have it in me to say anything or even move.

I was so pissed off at Heeseung and the other guys. When I confronted them earlier, all of them looked ridiculously guilty and that's when I knew that they had something to do with Jungwon and that they knew what was going on.

Even my own brother went against me and couldn't give me an explanation for any of this.

I was so angry; I was fuming with anger and betrayal. I felt so betrayed and hurt by them, I had no idea what to do. Words can't even express how hurt I felt, not just because of Jungwon, but because of them, too.

I thought they would at least consider my feelings but they obviously didn't.

I can't even think about Jungwon without breaking out into tears.

I couldn't cry anymore. I cried out everything I had in me and I was exhausted.

Numb.

It hurt me so bad that I began to feel numb. He hurt me so bad that I felt numb. I was so angry at him for promising me so many things yet leaving me out of the blue without any reason.

Again.

The second I began feeling happy within myself and stopped being depressed, something just had to happen.

And of course he was the one that had to hurt me.

"Hyewon. If you don't open the door, I'm going to kick the door in." My brother raises his voice a little, yet his soft voice remained.

"Leave me alone," my voice cracks from my throat being so sore.

"Sis, I need to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." I respond bluntly.

"Fine. I'll give you your space for a little. But you better let me in later on when I come check on you. Okay?"

"Whatever." I rub my eyes some more.

Single tears escape as I close my eyes, clutching onto a stuffed animal, forcing myself to sleep so that I passed through the day.

-

The next day was no different. I stayed in bed all day, staring at the ceiling. I was just trying to process everything that had happened. Still, nothing from Jungwon.

I wasn't expecting anything from him at this point. Heck, I didn't want anything. I knew whatever the reason he had for leaving so abruptly had to be bad, and I don't want to hear it.

Yet I still deserve an explanation.

A part of me hopes he will give me one, soon. That's the least I deserve.. but the other part of me hopes that he won't, because I don't know how much more angst my heart can take.

Heeseung comes into my room every now and then to check on me, making sure I'm not dead or anything.

The other guys tried texting me everyday but I either gave them short, vague replies or didn't reply at all. I was still really upset at them and I still felt betrayed.

Heeseung has been trying to make me eat, but my appetite has been cut down so much that I only eat in the early mornings when my brother is still asleep.

This led on for another three days or so. Just the constant laying in bed, feeling numb yet so hurt about what happened. About him.

I was quickly losing weight and I didn't feel like myself again. The girls came over occasionally just to check on me, but they know that it's best to give me my space, as they're my best friends and they know me best.

I couldn't live like this any longer. I can't let myself slowly drift apart again just because of some guy. It hurts right now, but I won't give a shit in a few months.

I have to get up.

Have fun, be rebellious.

Do stuff I'll enjoy now, but regret later.

That's what life is about, right?

Standing out. Being bold. Being different.

I can't let myself mope around over a guy anymore. It's not like me.

I was still not that confident, but I 100% came to the conclusion that I should live life stress free when Jungwon suddenly came over, coming into my room to talk to me after days of absolutely no contact with me.