first love ⁀➷ y.jw ✓

41

I sat outside my house in my car, staring at the dashboard blankly while hundreds of thoughts entered my mind. To my surprise, I haven't broken down yet.

Why aren't I crying?

What's happening with me?

I just saw the scariest thing; Jungwon and Jake's face all bloody, yet I'm still not crying. Jake basically confessed his feelings to me, but I'm not crying. They got into a fight because of me, but I'm not crying.

Seriously, what's happening?

My phone begins to ring and I pick up the upcoming phone call from Jay.

"Hello?" I say through the phone.

"Hey, Hyewon... sorry to involve you in this, but.. can you please go over to Jungwon's house? All of us have tried to go over there and help him with his injuries, but he pushed us away. Please try to help him. I think he'll let you."

I gulp, my heart beating a bit faster.

"Okay.." I hesitate.

"Please hurry. His cuts seemed pretty bad."

"I'm on the way. I'll let you know how it goes. Bye, Jongseong." I reply.

"Bye, Hye- Jongseong? You-" I hang up before he began scolding me.

Driving off to Jungwon's house immediately, I get there after a few minutes. I knock on the door; Jihyun and Sunghoon open it for me. Their faces look relieved as they noticed it was me.

"Good, you're here. I'm sorry, Hyewon. I'm sure this is all so stressful for you, but... please help him." Jihyun looks at me with a serious face.

"Please let us go how it goes. We're sorry again for making you do this, but we think you're the only hope." Sunghoon adds.

"Don't worry, guys. I'll try my best. Do you know where his first aid kit is?" I ask.

"Here." Jihyun hands me the first aid box that she was already holding and I take it.

"We'll be off now. Let us know if anything." The two say, then leave.

The house was empty and quiet, so I assumed Jungwon was the only one home right now. Closing the front door and locking it, I slowly head up to Jungwon's room nervously, my heart beating rapidly fast.

The door not fully closed, I peaked inside the little crack and saw his back facing me. He was sitting on the bed facing the wall. I noticed the puddles of blood on his floor, and it made my heart sink. I gulp hard, knocking on the door softly.

"I don't need help. I'm fine." He says with his voice strained.

I slowly and quietly walk inside, standing near the door.

"J-" he interrupts me before I could even finish saying his name.

"I don't need help. Please leave me be." His voice cracks from yelling so much.

"It's.. it's Hyewon. It's me, Jungwon." I speak up.

He lifts his head up and turns his head, looking at me. His eyes full of shock and also hurt, he looks at me with a blank expression. His angered eyes were now soft.

"What are you doing here?" He asks me.

"Please let me help you."

I make my way over to him, sitting down on the edge of his bed next to him. His fists and knuckles were all bruised up, and his face had a bunch of small cuts and knots. The corner of his lip scratched up and bloody, the end of his right eyebrow was also cut. My heart pangs from the sight of this, but I managed to keep it all inside.

"Shouldn't you be helping Jake?" His voice cracks, tears rolling down his face.

Is he jealous? Is that it?

Does he think I'm with Jake so he's angry and he took it out on him?

"Jungwon.. I want to help you. Please let me. Please." I beg him.

He pauses and hesitates, but eventually nods. I begin cleaning his wounds carefully and slowly so that it didn't hurt him too much. He was avoiding eye contact with me the whole time, looking down at the ground, letting the tears stream down his face without saying a word.

I finish cleaning and bandaging everything, his face filled with little bandages. His eye was swollen and bruised up, and his lip was also swollen. My heart absolutely broke seeing him this way, even if I shouldn't care.

I stand up and clean the blood on his floor with disinfecting wipes, feeling his eyes on me. Throwing all of the trash and wrappers away, I stand there near him.

"Drink a lot of water and just rest, okay? Don't get up too much." I say, about to leave.

"Don't go, please." His voice cracks again.

I stop in my tracks, tears forming in my eyes as well.

"Please don't go. I need you. Stay here. Just for a little bit. I promise you can go after a few minutes, but please stay." He begs me.

I hesitate, but I turn around and look at him. He's standing up now, facing me and looking right at me with saddened, pleading eyes.

"It's selfish and hypocritical of me for telling you to stay, I know, but.. I feel so alone. I know it's my fault, I know that, but I need someone. I need you," he cries right in front of me.

"Jungwon." I frown, tears threatening to escape from my eyes.

Suddenly he wipes his tears and looks at me with distant eyes. As if his mood just switched up, he went from sad to distant.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't keep you here. Jake's probably waiting-"

"I don't want him. I don't like him, I don't want anything more than friends with him. I don't like ANYONE. I don't want ANYONE, Jungwon," I cut him off.

"I'm not interested in anyone. No one at all. It may seem like Jake and I have a thing, but I see him nothing more than a friend."

"I want you. I've always wanted you, even after you left me. It's always been you even after all of these days. It's you, you're the one I want. I know I shouldn't want you anymore, but I just can't move on from you. So please stop bringing Jake up." The tears were rolling down at this point.

He looked at me with utter shock, but his eyes soften again.

"He may like me, but I can't look at any dude without being reminded of you."

"I've been hearing you talk about Jake as if I have a thing with him, when all this time I've been trying to move on from you. All this time you've been mentioning him I've been wanting you, and I know I shouldn't, but.. I can't see anyone but you." I sob.

"It hurts so bad," I sniff.

He runs to me and grabs my face, kissing me on the lips passionately. I freeze up, but quickly kiss him back. His lips pull away from mine and he looks at me with tears in his eyes. His arms wrapping around my back, I hug him tightly.

"I miss you so much, Hyewon..." he whispers, sniffing.

"I've gone completely crazy. This whole time, I thought you were with Jake, so I got so insecure and upset, I just went crazy. I'm so stupid," he whispers.

"I'm so sorry, Hyewon," he sobs.

"I'm so sorry for getting you into all of this. I'm so sorry for being an asshole, I'm sorry for saying mean things to you, I'm sorry for leaving you." He hugs me tighter.

"Can we talk again? Please?" He lets me go and looks at me with pleading eyes.

"We don't have to talk romantically, I just want you in my life again. Please." He caresses my cheek.

"How could I say no?" I wipe my tears, smiling at him.

Using my thumbs to wipe his tears as well, he smiles back at me.

"I've missed you too, Jungwon. Let's talk again."