Cold | Suicidal Todoroki

12 | Concern

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, abuse, violence, or substance abuse.

Todoroki and Midoriya finally unraveled their silent, steady embrace. They glanced at each other with lingering gazes, yet the atmosphere was tainted not with awkwardness. Slowly, Midoriya met Todoroki's eyes, and if Todoroki wasn't mistaken, Midoriya's cheeks were tinged by a soft, velvety hue of peach. At first, Todoroki thought nothing of it since it wasn't uncommon for Midoriya to blush a bit, but he was stunned to feel a web of digits twining with his hand.

"T-Todoroki-kun, um..." Midoriya sheepishly stuttered while averting his eyes from Todoroki. "C-Can I...kiss you?" His shoulders arched yet sank.

That was very abrupt, Todoroki thought to himself. I'd rather not. Kissing another guy... I don't think I'm into other guys, but maybe I'll like it. I know he wants it. He nodded slowly, and for a fleeting moment, their lips hugged against each other like pink, crescent-shaped pillows. Somehow, that felt wrong. I don't have feelings for anyone. But I was kissed by a boy... Even the thought that I could be gay or bisexual is another beating waiting to happen. But right now, I'm thankfully not attracted to anyone.

Midoriya jittered with a flustered grin. "Um... I-I might like you, Todoroki-kun."

Todoroki found himself staring vacantly at his feet as dubiousness consumed him. I don't like you in that way, he told himself. I can't even love myself, so trying to love another person... I think love is a waste of time and effort. Sorry, Midoriya.

"Midoriya..." Todoroki whispered gently as a twinge of guilt pulsed through him. "I think I'd like us to just be friends. Sorry." He observed how Midoriya's expression wilted a bit, but he was once again stunned to see that Midoriya didn't seem to be broken by the rejection. "You're not...mad at me for that?"

Midoriya rapidly shook his head. "No, no. Of course I'm not," he reassured Todoroki while waving his hands around. "It's just... Y-You are very attractive, and, well, I guess I've kind of...had a crush on you for a bit? So, when we hugged, I-I kind of thought...maybe I could see if I just thought you were attractive, or if I had real feelings for you. B-But I didn't know if you liked guys or not, s-so... Um. I really did like the kiss, but since I'm already unsure of my feelings, it doesn't really hurt. Oh. S-Sorry, I went on about that..."

Todoroki plastered a smile onto his countenance. "You're very sweet," he forced himself to chuckle. "Well, as a friend, I do love you." He inwardly sighed at the shiny words he had the grand displeasure of uttering out loud. "You're blushing? Cute."

How desperate am I to keep the topic off of the suspected abuse? Todoroki couldn't help but wonder while Midoriya's face was mantled with a rich, ripe red. Enough to flirt with someone I just rejected. What's wrong with me?

"T-Todoroki-kun!" Midoriya yelped while burying his burning face into the palms of his hands. "W-Well, as a f-friend, I love you more."

The last thing I want is to start some pointless chain of saying who loves the other more. "You really are cute. Cute enough to hug." Hug him, and then use the silence to get him out of your dorm.

Todoroki scooped Midoriya into his arms, but he was unable to fully stifle his grunt of pain when Midoriya returned a fast embrace. He was promptly released by Midoriya, whose expression had shifted into one of solace.

I fucked it up.

With a thin frown, Midoriya examined Todoroki's gaze. "I'm so sorry," he apologized while bowing. "I didn't mean to hurt you... I'm really sorry... But this means you're hurt." His brows sagged down.