Cold | Suicidal Todoroki

30 | Human

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, abuse, violence, harassment, or substance abuse.

I chose to offer him compassion just to see if what was bothering him would have some effect on me, but I just don't care. I guess it really does make sense why some people hate me. After all, some people do everything they can to become a Hero to save others and bring smiles, peace, and justice, but here I am, not caring about who lives or dies while living the dream they'll never get to live. 'Why does the remorseless murderer get to be a Hero while those who desperately struggle to become one aren't allowed to be one?' I think that's what they'd think if they knew what I'm guilty of.

"I know you already know, but it's not your fault, and the past can't be changed." Todoroki gently tousled Bakugou's hair. "The fact that you went out of your way to try and help me made an incredible difference in my life, Katsuki. Without your being here for me, I think I would've died a while ago. I'm not lying when I say you're the reason why I never deliberately overdosed." He paused for quite a while as silence drifted between him and Bakugou like the flickering light of a fire. "Katsuki, do I deserve to be alive?"

Todoroki could feel as Bakugou flinched in his arms. "You fucking idiot..." snarled the ash-blonde under his breath. "How... How many fucking times do I have to spell out how important you are? You keep doing and saying all these terrible things, and... Tch. Shouto, you're only fucking human, and you deserve to live as one and be treated like one by everyone, including yourself." Bakugou pressed Todoroki's back into his chest.

"Do I really have that right when I killed my own father?"

Bakugou replied with a hefty pool of silence.

"Katsuki, I won't lie to you, either... I wouldn't feel a thing if I literally stabbed you in the back here and now."

"Then do it."

Todoroki arched his brows in utter astonishment. "You'd be dead," he clarified.

Bakugou released a sharp sigh from between his lips. "Yeah? I—ngh!" With a grunt, Bakugou was spun around as his chest slammed into the bed. "What the hell are—" Before he could finish, Todoroki pinned his lover against the bed, pulled out a blade from his pocket, and flashed the presence of the blade before Bakugou's magnified eyes. "Why... Why the fuck do you carry a blade with you?!"

Todoroki slovenly shrugged. "Sometimes, I just feel like cutting my skin open," he candidly muttered before pushing the tip of the blade into Bakugou's back. "You know I do. I know it's a problem. Will I ever consider getting help for it? No."

"You...fucking wouldn't. I know you wouldn't," Bakugou sputtered while craning his neck.

The blade brandished by Todoroki was only driven deeper into Bakugou's flesh; the latter released a pained, aggrieved growl. "Don't lie to yourself. I can see the fear in your eyes, Katsuki."

"No shit! You're pushing a fucking blade into my back!"

Ribbons of scarlet began to seep up from the wound that the blade was inflicting, but Todoroki wasn't discountenanced in the slightest. "You told me to do it." Insidiously did the weapon pierce through Bakugou's skin as he began to writhe and huff in pain, but only a cold expression was offered to him by his own boyfriend. "Tell me what you feel."

With labored breaths and gleaming skin, Bakugou strained to utter, "It f-fucking hurts. Grgh! Fuck! Shouto, stop!" He flailed in Todoroki's grasp, but he was unable to tear himself free.

I know he's in a lot of pain, Todoroki inwardly maundered while ignoring his partner's distraught pleas. Yet, something about seeing someone so strong flailing so helplessly... It's almost entertaining. Slowly, he began to twist the blade, and in response to this, Bakugou disgorged a livid cry of agony. Seeing someone so unbreakable hitting their breaking point... I remember trying so hard to give Endeavor the same treatment as he gave me. Fury, hatred, vengeance... I don't feel the things I used to, but a part of me wants to dismantle Katsuki just to see how it feels. If torturing me felt so good to Endeavor, would I feel the same way?

Todoroki could see the paralyzing fear blazing in Bakugou's eyes, but despite the desperate gasps to cease the torment, Todoroki simply stared at Bakugou's agony. "This is what you call 'human,' Katsuki?" His expression contorted into a wry smile as a chuckle spilled from his frigid lips. "A twisted, sadistic murderer..." His malevolent sneer faded into a frown as his eyes began to water, and soon enough, crystalline rivulets were rolling down his cheeks. "A weeping victim of abuse..." The tears he shed were blinked away and replaced by a sheepish smile. "A seemingly 'normal' person..." He wiped his casual expression away to reveal a condescending smirk beneath it.

"A prideful man that still can't accept that his rival is stronger than him and always has been..." At last, his visage was mantled with a familiar mirror of ice. "I can be anyone I want to be, but is that really okay? Tell me, Katsuki. Everything I see is like a movie playing in monochrome. It doesn't mean anything. It's just a movie. It's dull. I overcame the antagonist of the movie, but it's all the same. It never mattered in the first place. What was it all for? No one will be cheering for me. No. They'll be cheering for the end of this movie—my movie. Everything comes to an end. I—"