Cold | Suicidal Todoroki

35 | Reality

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, abuse, violence, harassment, or substance abuse.

Hazy, harlequin threads of light began to permeate the inky mirage that Todoroki awakened to. Like a needle perforating his soul, the glistening ribbons danced in arcs; they dove into the flittering, midnight waters of Todoroki's mind before springing into the shimmering, endless horizon. Todoroki stared at the whirling hands of reality that stitched his world together, but he had nothing to say as he was slowly drawn up to his feet like a puppet prancing on a pair of strings. Blinking his leaden eyes open and closed, he felt the urge to lift his lowered head, but as his neck craned upwards like a machine, he found himself collapsing from the halcyon cocoon of his own naïveté.

Oh, Todoroki suddenly thought as his body plummeted into a heap on the ground; he felt no pain from the hefty collision. I killed myself. Is this the afterlife? It felt like I was a soul being ripped from reality and stitched back together like a creation just to be dropped back into reality again. He rose from the ground of his own volition, and almost immediately, he descried Yaoyorozu, who was studying at the desk in her dorm. She looks sad. There's...a shard of ice impaling her chest?

"I miss him," Yaoyorozu muttered under her breath while setting her pen down. "I still can't believe...he committed suicide. I wish I had been there for him more. Todoroki-kun... I wanted to confess my earnest feelings, but...you ended up with Bakugou before I could say a single thing." Tears began to march down her cheeks. "You became so distant and cold. I still don't know why you left like this so suddenly... It hurts. You were always so incredibly strong and independent, but then...you left us without warning. What were you going through? What did I miss? What...could I have done differently to change this? Todoroki-kun...I sincerely hope that your suffering is gone. I can't apologize enough for never realizing that you truly weren't okay. I can't forgive myself for that..."

Todoroki arched his brows at Yaoyorozu's maundering, but a gelid blade was quite literally plunged through his chest as he watched his friend grip a pair of scissors and drag the blades over her wrists. His eyes flicked between Yaoyorozu's crinkled expression and scarlet-tinged wrists, but the two points he sieved met once Yaoyorozu's tears fell upon her forearms.

"It's...so difficult to be strong when the strongest person I knew hit his breaking point," sighed Yaoyorozu through her teeth as she stared at the thin lacerations streaking across her wrists. "I still look at your seat in class as though you'll suddenly be present, attending class again. If only I had looked deeper into your eyes to see what was hurting you. I miss you, Todoroki-kun..."

As Todoroki placed his hand on Yaoyorozu's shoulder, he could feel the rush of the wind slithering through his chest. He felt like he was looking through a kaleidoscope of ice crystals as the floor was sundered like a pane of glass. Slipping into a blinding ravine of light, Todoroki closed his eyes, and once he pried them open again, he saw Midoriya sitting on his bed.

He also has a blade of ice going through his chest, Todoroki realized while approaching his friend. I still have one. Why? Oh. He's crying.

"I just can't smile through this," Midoriya whined in a cracked, hoarse whisper. "Every time I try to find the strength to get past this, I can't help but think I wasn't doing enough for him. He kept saying he was fine... Again and again and again... Why? The only person I ever knew would never do this to himself! But that's...not how it ended." He clutched at his chest as though endeavoring to tear out the ice that only Todoroki could see. "Kacchan won't answer his phone, but he keeps saying he's fine whenever I visit him. I don't want the same thing to happen twice. I can't take that... I put so much effort into pretending to be happy to stay strong for him, but he yelled at me for it.