Cold | Suicidal Todoroki

33 | Torment

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, abuse, violence, harassment, or substance abuse.

Azure crystals impaled Bakugou's vision as Todoroki reeled back from him. Bakugou was unable to fully comprehend the benumbing realization that lanced through his head, but with eyes torn open, he felt as though he could see everything playing in slow motion. Like staring at the massive screen of a movie, he observed before he could fathom what he was truly seeing.

I have to be imagining things, Bakugou attempted to deceive himself. No. He's... The ice... His ice... He... Lunging back for Todoroki, Bakugou threatened to snap Todoroki's wrists from his tenacity. Fuck. Blood. Bloody ice. Don't you fucking dare. What am I supposed to do?! His thoughts were like a gale of wind slashing in elliptical motions. Why... Why the hell are you smiling?! WHY NOW?!

Finally, Bakugou released a choked sob as he snarled, "WHY?!" Blistering tears scorched his eyes as he jostled with Todoroki's hands.

With glaucous fractals of frigid, gleaming ice biting through his chest, Todoroki feebly endeavored to grant his beasts of ice liberty from their cage in his chest. "Isn't it obvious?" He grimaced through his grin. "I'm...unwanted. Spurned. Mocked. I don't care...that I'm thought of like this, but...it's a valid reason to disappear. If they hate me that much... Well...be it so. My past self would want nothing more than to make them happy. This...is how. Ngh. Even if they regret their desires, it's just another lesson. So, let me die... It's too late, Katsuki. I...had a good life."

Stop! SHUT UP! IT'S NOT THE END!

"If your life was so good, why did you try to hang yourself?! Why? Shouto, you were abused! It's Endeavor's fault that you don't understand! You're...just fucking confused! Stop... Shouto, please fucking stop!"

Todoroki released his grip on his own ice, obeying his partner's desperate demand. "All right... But there's nothing you can do...when the ice spreads to penetrate my vitals. I'm not confused." He sucked in a sharp breath of air as he winced. "I do understand. I know what I'm doing...and what effects it really has. Hey, Katsuki... What if I told you that I did this...just to break you? I know...how much you love me. I thought...this would finally make me feel sad... I feel the same. Why? Your torment doesn't mean anything to me. I want it to. But...even this world rejects me." His eyes sank closed.

"SHOUTO?!" Acerbic fear oozed across Bakugou's tongue as nausea boiled up within his stomach.

"I'm still here... Katsuki, since every hope I have slips through my fingers, can I ask for one last thing?"

No... No! Don't leave me! Was I not enough to convince you to keep going?! To ignore everyone else and keep moving forward? To finally be rewarded for all the failures you've seen?

"Shouto, please..."

"End...my suffering."

Bakugou's mouth hung agape as his enervated lover slowly lifted his eyelids again. "N-No... DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW CRUEL THAT IS TO ASK?!" He snapped his jaws together in a futile attempt to swallow his tears and sobs.

Todoroki nodded. "If you really love me, end my story for me. You said it yourself...that I've been abused. I've been through a lot... I unknowingly numbed myself to everything...just to get by. To live. To fight. But now...it's become the underlying reason as to why I want to die. Cruel, huh? Katsuki, it really hurts. I'd rather die than suffer through even another minute of this agony. There are things worse than death, and right now, you might as well be the one causing my own torment...because you won't let me die. Even if you got help, I'd still kill myself. You can't...save me. You're...making me suffer. Please, Katsuki... I likely...have just minutes left. I know...it's a cruel, cruel situation, but please... End it. Rip out...the ice, or let me do it..."

Bakugou furiously shook his head while it swelled with the feelings he was unable to expel from his system. "I... I fucking can't! I can't make that decision!" His skull reverberated with the pulsating twinges of excess emotion scraping at his bones.

A fragile laugh streamed from Todoroki's throat. "So, you'd rather make me suffer?" Fractured mirth continued to roll down his chest until he coughed from the undulating pain. "It all would've been better...if you hadn't stepped in. This never would've happened. But...it fucking hurts, Katsuki." His quivering hands slowly traced back to the glittering spears of zircon protruding from his chest. "Katsuki...this pain makes me want nothing more than to die already, but...you won't let me die. This decision itself...must be a fate worse than death for you, but I'm begging you..."

A primal, ragged sob shattered Bakugou's voice as he finally nodded, fully cognizant of the agonizing truth behind Todoroki's words. "I f-fucking hate that you're right," Bakugou sibilated while prying Todoroki's hands off the lethal blades of ice. "But I'm not...letting you kill yourself. I hate you for making me do this..." His fingers gripped fast the ice. "But you've been through enough. The pain's gonna be over. That's all I can fucking do for you now. O-Oi... Rest, a-and it'll be okay..." Darkness devoured the thin smile Todoroki wore as Bakugou closed his eyes and wrenched the javelins of ice from his partner's chest.