Cold | Suicidal Todoroki

27 | Opinion

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, abuse, violence, harassment, or substance abuse.

Day 40

People are afraid of me. They've spread false rumors about me. They don't like me. They question me and press me. They don't want me to be a hero. They hate the person that I am. I'm not suited to be a hero. They always bring up how I wasn't fazed by my sister's death. How I can watch others suffer without feeling anything. How nothing seems to matter to me.

Why do they care? What does it matter to them? Shouldn't they find these qualities to be excellent for efficiency? Well, not everyone is disturbed by me, though. Some don't mind or care, some think it's cool, some feel sorry for me, and the list goes on. But the majority are against allowing me to become a hero. Why should they decide what I can and can't be based on their opinions on my traits? Why do they care so much? What's so wrong with my being cold? I'm not harming anyone. I'm not torturing people—I'm saving people. Despite that, people don't want a hero like me. Absurd, if you ask me. Yet, I can somewhat understand where they're coming from.

My classmates never really talk to me anymore. They give me awkward smiles and glances, but I can tell they don't want to have a conversation with me unless they have to. They've known me for long enough. Why are they like this? Shouldn't they know I'm still just a person trying to live their life like they are? Is there something wrong with that? Do they believe the rumors? They should know that most of the rumors are false, right? Very few people treat me like a normal person anymore, and rightfully so.

Katsuki is pissed at the people trying to convince me to drop out of U.A. I told him it was fine and not to do anything reckless (ironic), but he's been giving others a piece of his mind. I had to stop him from more than likely beating someone up because they confronted me, belittled me, and then hit me. Katsuki looked like he wanted to murder someone.

All I've really been doing is getting high. I can't stop. I need more. It's like cutting. Even if I overdose or cut too deep, I'd rather have that because it makes me feel something, even if the feelings aren't real. It's difficult to hide being high when you're high and when you're high all the time. I'm addicted. This cannot be normal. Then again, what is normal anymore? I asked Yaoyorozu if I seemed like a normal person to her, but oh the white lies people tell just to please other people.

Normally, one would offer white lies, right? To minimize the prospect of offending or hurting someone? So, if ignorance is bliss, and lies are good with the right intention, is "normal" just a lie to try and achieve some impossible hope for everyone's peace? Surely, everyone has their own truths that they cover up to fit in with the "normal" group. If you take out the desire to be "normal," what's left?

Although the words that the people say might not hurt me, they certainly sway my opinion. I think I know what I'm going to do now.