Virgin Mary

10/Oblivious.

Josephine

"Answer, answer." I say out loud as I'm laying on my bed calling my sister with tears running down my eyes. My parents aren't home, I can finally let it all out without having to muffle my face into my pillow. I can't take this public school anymore dammit. I should be back at that damn private school where I'm meant to be. Not be hanging around the school bad boys and kissing boys cheeks or grinding on some boys lap when I'm supposed to be helping him study? Who even does that? What's Hero's weird ass problem with me, he's trying to get me to kiss him and then he's calling me names the next. This isn't for me, I haven't been this stressed in my life.

After rubbing my hands under my eyes to wipe the tears, I get my cross and hold it tightly in my hand as I silently pray.

I pray, god forgives me for all the mistakes I've made, because I regret almost everything that's happened this weekend.

I lay back on my bed and stare at my ceiling and call Katherine again, Please. Answer.

"This is Katherine, please leave a voicemail and I'll get back to you as soon as possible, thanks!" The voicemail says and more tears run down my eyes. I just need to talk to her, it's all I need right now.

I decide against leaving a voicemail and just to send a text.

"Hey Kath, I really really need to talk to you. I've been calling you this entire weekend and haven't received a call back. I hope everything's okay and your safe, maybe you just haven't had time to check it but I really need to talk to you. I miss you so much, it actually hurts. Things have still been very off with mom and dad, which I wish would just end but it just won't. I just wish this all could end, I want to move away as soon as senior year ends. I just don't understand what I did so wrong to be treated like this. I need to leave this public school too as fast as I can. It's not for me, I shouldn't be there. I don't belong there, Kath. I got called a whore, a whore. I've never been called a whore so it really upset me, as I never thought of myself as whore. Which I'm not I just got called one because I did something dumb and then another dumb thing. Just I need to talk to you. Love you."

Send.

I hope she gets to me soon, I can't bear this pain anymore. I can't.

After I let the rest of these tears out, I allow myself to fall asleep.

Sunday morning, I wake up to my mother walking into my room. "Yea-" I yawn and look up at her and she's just holding my phone in her hand. I hurry up and sit up and gulp. "What?" I say.

"Nothing, your alarm didn't go off. We have church." she says and slams my phone back on my nightstand and I jump. "Get dressed, Josephine." My mother says leaving my room and I sigh falling back on my bed.

I go to my closet and get a blue dress with white flowers all over it and a white cardigan. I go and brush my teeth and curl my hair along with some face care. I walk back into my room to put on my bracelets and then my phone rings on my nightstand, I turn back and walk over to it.  Mercy's calling. Then after I let it ring out, I look at my notifications, Mercy spamming me.

"Jo?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm about to come over if you don't answer me."

"Did I do something?"

"Call me when you wake up, please."

My mouth just drops as I didn't see any of these messages, I'm not upset with Mercy at all. I'm upset with myself for letting me go that far this weekend.

"Sorry Merc, call you after church." I text back quickly then throw my phone on my dresser and then get my white flats on and run downstairs.

Oh, of course my parents are already waiting in the car.