Virgin Mary

12/What's bothering you?

Josephine

I have no clue what I'm going to wear today, Ethan is meeting me right after tryouts, since tryouts are all week and they will announce them Friday. I'm so anxious to see if I make it but I believe I do have a good chance. I shove the shorts I washed that are Mercy's in my bag and then a school logo t-shirt. I get out black leggings since my mom is actually letting me wear them, along with a light pink sweater. Since I have tryouts and school ends around three, I get to leave my last class 20 minutes earlier around 2;40 then tryouts are over around like four then I'm going straight out to eat and then to Hero's to help him, study. Gosh, yesterday keeps popping up in my head, It's like god keeps reminding me of my mistakes. Why am I always making mistakes around that kid?

I put on my leggings and a fit sweater and adjust my curly hair and curl my eyelashes. I put on my white converse and grab my backpack running downstairs to a text from Mia. "Wow, look who decided to text me." the text reads as I'm walking down the stairs and I stop in my tracks. What? She could of texted me too! The phone works both ways- "Josephine! What are you doing we have to go, I have work." she says and I nod walking down the stairs and outside into her car. My dad hasn't been home since sunday, it's now wednesday. I don't know where he's at or why he just suddenly disappears some days and it really stresses me out, and it makes me even more angrier because my mom is always sticking up for his rude comments or just saying 'Oh he's at a meeting', 'you know it's meeting day', 'come on, you're so selfish, you know your father is always busy'. Things like that, that makes me think he's definitely not at meetings, but somewhere else.

"Mom," I say as she's driving to my school. "What?"

"Where's dad?" I ask and she shakes her head. "I'm not having this conversation this early in the fucking morning Josephine, you know where he's at and since you always do things like this, he doesn't wanna be home and I don't blame him for always being at those meetings." she says.

I look over at her with my jaw dropped, is she joking? "You keep blowing off the subject because you know damn well he is not at work or at a meeting every second of the day!" I yell and lean back in my seat biting my lip holding in the sobs. "Josephine!" she says pushing on the break at the stop sign and I dig my fingernails into my thighs as I know what's about to come next. "Did you just swear at me?" she says looking over at me and I close my eyes pinning my lips together until she takes her fingernails and digs them into my hand. "I said, did you fucking swear at me!" she yells and I let go. Tears overcome me, "Yes! I'm sorry! You keep blowing off the subject of dad not being home and I can't take it anymore! He's not working every second of the day and then you decide to turn this around on me!?." I say looking at her and she pulls up to school. "Get out of the car before I say something I may regret, Josephine." she says and I grab my backpack running out of the car and I see Mercy looking at me with a big grin and then her grin drops once she seeing me wiping my tears as I walk towards her.

"Jo-" she begins. I smile, "Yeah?"

"What's wrong? What's going on?" she asks and I shake my head and look down. "Nothing's wrong, everything's great. Why?"

"You were just crying, Jo. Don't lie to me."

"I got something in my eye, I wasn't crying." I laugh. "You were just talking about how we need to be more open with each other about this stuff." she says rubbing my shoulder and I let out a breath.

Yeah, I did say that but I didn't mean it for me. I can't express myself to her, there's too much. I need Kath to answer me and she still hasn't, I don't know if my texts aren't working or somethings wrong with her. I'm worried.

"I'm sorry, I know." I say letting out a breath. "Let's go walking before class, okay?" she says and I nod and we walk into the school with crowded hallways as we just walk around. "So," she says and I nod silently. "Jo.." she begins and I turn to look at her. "It's just so much, I can't just explain now or I'd probably break down again." I say and she nods. "How about after cheer, we go out and we can explain everything to each other?" she questions and I hold onto the bottom of my backpack. "Can't, my friend Ethan asked me to go out to dinner with him." I say and she nudges my shoulder, "Look at you,"