My Guard for Life

Prologue

Dati lang akong ghostwriter ni Ate Aviolin, a celebrity who helped me fulfill my passion for writing. Ate Aviolin has been a good friend and like a sister to me. I owe her my success and achievements. Still, I can't help but be proud of myself that I've become a writer on my own.

I felt a slight bitterness in my throat while looking back at the man who was my inspiration back then...he still is.

Mabilis ang paglalakad ko habang napapaligiran ng kung hindi lima ay anim na bouncers. Hindi ako sanay na maraming nagbabantay sa seguridad ko. Kahit sa New York, dalawa lang. Samantalang dito sa Pilipinas, isa lang ang nagsisigurado na hindi ako mapahahamak.

Nanatili ang atensyon ko sa matangkad na lalaking alerto ang tingin sa bawat taong naghihintay sa akin. I imagined myself closer to him. I think hanggang balikat na lang niya ako ngayon. My eyes remained on his face; he was serious and focused. Kung hindi lamang dahil sa shades ko ay hindi ako maglalakas ng loob na tumitig sa kanya.

I wanted to reach for him, but it's been like two years since we talked. He's been my bodyguard for more than a decade. Pierre.

I thought he'd be happy to see me now that I've achieved my dream. I wanted him to praise me and maybe...at least be proud of what I've become.

Pero sino ba ako? Nang-iwan lang naman sa kanya. Ang dating relasyon namin ay nalamatan at hindi na mabalikan because I chose to leave him. So I deserve this treatment from him. And that's what I regret so much. If only there's a choice.

I sighed, frustrated. I should be happy that I'm back. My fans are eager to meet me, unlike years before. Gusto kong ngumiti. Gusto kong kumaway. Pero isa lang talaga ang gusto kong kunin ang atensyon.

Pierre, have you forgiven me? Would you want me back after all that we've been through? Higit sa lahat, mahal mo pa ba ako? Those were the questions I liked to ask him that day he escorted me to the airport after two years of being separated from him. My tongue remained tied, with no confidence to ask him what I'd been practicing since. Seeing him in the flesh struck me on a particular level. But he only picked me up because it's his job as a bodyguard to see that I've safely landed in the country I grew up.

I wet my lips and looked at the stage waiting for me. My heart repeatedly pounded. The event was huge, and well-prepared by my sponsors. They even organized my fans in their designated seats. There are banners, posters, screens, and more.

My eyes landed on Pierre. Nagulat ako nang makita ang matalim na titig niya sa akin nang umakyat ako sa stage. Nakatayo siya kasama ng iba pang mga bouncers. Although he was out of place because of his handsome features and that kind of attention na sa akin lamang niya ipinapakita. My eyes remained on him as the staff helped me sit in front of the people waiting for me for hours. Mahalaga pa kaya ako sa kanya? Kahit...bilang kaibigan man lang.

I smiled at him wanting him to return it. Umiwas lang siya nang tingin. Hindi ko na napigilan nang maramdaman ang nakakapanghina at hindi maipaliwanag na sakit sa dibdib ko.

When did it become so painful to look at him? When did this far-reaching relationship start between us? I wonder if this wouldn't happen if he didn't kiss me that night. But still, I miss his hugs, whispers, gestures, and even sweet kisses. Funny, it's all my fault. We're done. My Pierre is long gone now, long gone.