Never ending nights like this,
Feel like an awful bliss
Sitting awake all night long
Listening to that song.
Lying awake in your bed
The alarm already set.
Rethinking life and it's choices,
Hearing those inner voices.
The mask falling off that face
It's surface with it's black lace,
It's lasting hollow looking eyes
It's lasting hollow look.
Plainly looking into the void.
Am I not real or am I not seen.
Not seen in this ever spinning world,
This never changing days,
Those never changing nights of pain.
Always lying awake thinking you are not real in this world.
You wear that smile, you wear that mask that is sticked with lace.
With the white lies you tell,
The pain that lies with it.
You joke, you draw people a smile and you?
When did you last laugh.
When did you last feel something.
When did I feel something...
Those people they belittle you for everything,
Want you to reach big goal,
Get those good paying jobs,
Those nice flat and houses,
This nice wife or husband,
Those children they wish for.
What about me?!
You want all this from a teenager who struggles in life.
Who maybe doesn't want those things.
Maybe I dream of become an artist, which loves her job to the fullest.
I only want a small room to call my own.
Money to have the necessary things in life.
I don't need those fancy cars, those brand new phones, those expensive shoes and clothes.
I don't want to live in a big house with lots of rooms.
I don't want children.
I am bi mum, I am more attracted to girls than boys...
You say I should find love, there are so many boys and men out there to choose from.
Mum open your eyes, they play me like a doll, they will use me like some sort of toy they can throw away after they are bored.
They care about personality you say, well look around.
You know I have a great personality, I can be strong, but all they see is my body.
I get defined by grades, by looks, by everything I do.
Every move I make is wrong in your eyes, wrong in your husbands eyes.
In your husbands eyes I am the fat girl that doesn't have a chance.
The girl that is not Bi, but a girl that just is a virgin and never done it before.
And you?! You stand there watch him breaking me.
Breaking my soul, my heart, my confidence.
Him shattering my dreams,
Him not believing in me.
But when it's time you show off how perfect I am.
You ask why I became like this,
Why I stopped telling you things,
Why I am glad I moved out and stayed here.
Because of people breaking me, hurting me, crushing me, playing me,
I started to built that mask and stitched it with lace.
Those hollow eyes are the result of the broken world, the broken society and the feeling of not being good enough.
How many like me lie awake every night and relive those moments.
How many cry in silence for you to not hear,
How many have fled into addiction,
How many are afraid to search help.
I smiled a lot when I was little.
Now I am just a corpse of an empty soul with the will to do nothing.
Every day I am wondering if I will smile tomorrow.
Every day hoping for someone to see me and hugging me saying I know you only pretend to be happy.
How much do I missed to be hugged, to be cuddled.
How much I am longing for a safe place,
Some pairs of arms to feel secure.
A place to be not surrounded by people and feeling lonely,
But a place where I know I belong.
Still looking out the window to those shining lights of the industry.
Waiting for life to change
For life to be good to me for once.
One tear is shed and rolls down,
Like a raindrop on glass.
The tears mix in with the others.
One after one flow down that path.
Landing on the table.
Please lay some arms around me,
Please make me feel seen
You don't that it mean,
It gives me a moment of glee.
Please hold me tight and don't let go,
Please help me find my how.
How to lie down that mask in joy,
How to not feel like another toy.
How to feel and so much more,
How a bird needs to sore
