Thoughts....

Ocean of Feelings and Memories

I love the ocean.

The ocean is so big, but so dangerous
So calm but unbended
So calming but so nerve wrecking.

My mind is racing.
I am worrying so much about me,
my future,
about my dreams
and on how fulfilling them.

Often I want to go back to the ocean and listen to the wind,
look at the slow approaching waves and breath in the salty air.

The ocean is my safe place.
My place where my thoughts can be, washed away for a few seconds,
a few minutes
or even for hours.
In hope to find more of myself
and to understand myself better
and what worries me,
I have to travel there again.

Just once again I wanna see this watery desert again.
Once I wanna breath the scent of it again.
One more time listening to the sounds of the waves,
before I get my headphones
and starting "Sea" again,
listening to it until the song ends
and wait for it to change to "Path"
and surely I know in the end
it will always be "Born Singer".

I wanna see the ocean again
See the world and their ocean parts.
Taking in the sight of crashing waves,

reminding me of my crashing dreams.
reminding me of my crashing Hope's
reminding me of the person I loved,
the person I loved dearly.

Reminded of the past,
reminded of the pain,
reminded of being human,
reminded that the world is unfair.

But when I start the music again,
the pain will be washed away
for another day

Never erased, still lingering.

My memory of the Ocean,
of that lonely desert,
are happy,
but they turned sad.

Funny how I think about you,
now and then,
Funny that I hate you so much
for the pain,
but love you for the time we had.

Like the going waves,
I gonna shut you out,
like you did long ago.
I am not wishing you sickness or anything else,
I am just disappointed,
in your mistakes.

Not being here,
Never seeing me growing into that beautiful girl I am now.
Not coming for my graduation,
Not texting me in months.
Telling me I am arrogant
and not worthy enough.

But you see,
I never was like that.
I always hid my pain,
always endured more,
always breaking a bit.

Thank you for the memories Dad.
But you are not even worthy to be called a Dad,
you are worthy to be called a good friend.
A good friend who never was there when I needed him most.
Left me always alone.

So the ocean reminds me,
there is always sadness in the beauty,

Reminding me of your once longing presence by my side like in a movie.

How sad it sounds
I hate you for the things
you let me go through
while my heart it stings
but I still care for you,
because I pity you for your absence

Now i am letting go of the pain for a bit,

waiting for it to return to me bit by bit

when time passed,
when I am one step further to my dreams.

Remind me of how live has been.

Looking back at memories, feelings

At the Sea.