Do you know the feeling of living and getting through each day.
Do you know the feeling of being the only one that is not running and being glued to one spot.
Everything starts with the laughters fading to silence and the silence in you is filling with emptiness rather than with happiness.
You start to think of a place to escape to,
you start to do something you like to distract yourself from the emptiness inside you.
You want to fill that hole inside you.
You want to die but do not at the same time.
I do not wanna die, but I would also not jump away if a car, a train or a truck came my way in highspeed.
I could never leave the people I love behind.
Not with the burden that they could have done something,
Not with the fault they will search in themselves.
So I am living in this timeflow
Simply just existing, just making it through another day
Simply just one more day I will wake up in the morning.
It is not that I am not feeling loved or anything. It's just that I feel numb inside.
I have stopped to fight, I already died inside.
No matter how much I laugh, how much I cry or I get angry.
I am only existing.
Just watching everybody run for their life goals.
Aiming for a good job
Aiming for love
Aiming for a long life filled with laughters.
I am here aiming for nothing
I am here just lying in wait for the end
Just waiting for the day I may start to live at least once.
The time is ticking forward but I am frozen in one spot.
Not wanting to move anymore, not willing to change.
Not willing to live on.
I am changing, I feel lost, I feel stuck, I feel dead
Keep on running I will watch from behind you in life.
Please do not start to care just because I am speaking my mind.
You could have seen it sooner, could have cared sooner, but when I tell you something then I have set my mind already or figured it out myself.
Neither heaven, hell or earth is a place that will bring one peace.
Everywhere you go it will be ugly.
In the end the emptiness and the darkness that I seen till the end will remain the same.
Time continues to run, people continue to run, people continue to wait till end and final release.
You don't have to live, you have to exist, you have to wander this hell and just patiently wait for it to end.
