Not once in life have I wondered where I am heading
Never had a dream I wanted to pursue
Now I sitting here looking out the window
Into a sea of clouds passing through the sky
They are wandering around like myself
They are free to go everywhere and disappear to their hearts content without being missed
Being free and not being missed sounds like a bliss to me
I am jealous of the clouds that can disappear any time they want
If I could just be like a cloud
The hours turn into days
Days without sunrays and the everlasting shadows that seem to grow larger each time
It seems like they are going to get me any time soon
I will not run away from them
I will embrace them to the fullest
Waiting for them in silence
Even when I feel like going away it feels wrong to go far away with no return
It's longing to drown in the sea
It's longing to burn in the flames
It's longing to fly and jump
I know life is cruel in it's own wicked ways but what if I could escape this world
Escape my mind, escape my body and just go into the eternal darkness that lies hidden for humans to witness in any way that does not include perishing from this world
I could care less about the tears that will be shed at the end
But at the same time I care for the people and don't want them to shed their tears
I am mad at the people who don't see me suffer, but at the same time I am glad they don't see me struggle to breath through each second, minute, hour and day
It's not like I don't want someone to be there for me, but at the same time I am afraid to let anyone see into the broken soul of mine
The soul that has taken every hit smiling, just silently crying non stop
My soul is fragile like a child, but it does not know how to heal itself
Not one happy song is touching it anymore
A child with no happiness
A child that has forgotten what happiness means
Happiness is pain in disguise
Memories that are pleasant turn into nightmares that are torturing ones soul
As much as I would love to let go of this feeling
That bittersweet sting behind every happy memory
That bittersweet sting when a memory turns into a haunting memory
A haunting memory so beautiful and hurtful as it could be
There is no beauty without pain in this world
Everything will wither away someday
Somebody by choice,
Somebody by accident
and somebody by time
Withering away like a flower when it is hugged by the snow
Perishing away like a butterfly if it's wings has been clipped
Gone like a human without a will to live
We try to be strong in a way nobody knows anything is wrong
Enduring a lot more to the verge of breaking
The verge of breaking into tears
The verge of breaking the things we love
The verge of breaking our own promises to stay alive
The mind is a prison I cannot break out from
The mind is a hole that is unclimbable
The mind is like an deep sea that is hugging you tight
The mind that is suffocating you and screaming at you loudly
It so loud in my mind that the noises that I hear on the outside can be compared as been almost silent
Piano pieces turn me to tears without a reason
I have the urge to cry through every moment of the day
But if I would do that I would become a burden
If I would do that I would have to explain my inner mind to someone
But how can you tell somebody something you cannot understand yourself
So I keep silent till I am at home alone
The point of breaking long gone I sit in my room crying till sleep embraces me
Just for the nightmares of memories to follow me around the next day again
A cycle of a trapped person
without the voice to speak up
