Mamihlapinatapai

Chapter 31

Ember

Kanina ko pa tinatawag si Cray mula ng makabalik ako ng bahay. Akala ko pa naman ay sasalubungin ako nito gaya ng nakasanayan na nito sa araw-araw na bumabalik ako.

Pero wala ito sa sala. Wala din sa kusina. At mas lalong wala sa kahit saang sulok ng bahay. Nakailang ikot na ako. Halos mapaos na nga din ako sa pagtawag ng pangalan nito.

Imposible din naman kasi na lumabas ito ng bahay. Alam ko kasi ay takot nga ito sa labas dahil sa hindi ko maintindihan na dahilan. Lalabas lang ito pag kasama ako. Pero hanggang doon lang sa dagat ang gusto nitong puntahan. Pag aakyat na sa gubat ay nanginginig na ito at nagyayaya ng umuwi.

I can see the way her eyes flickers fear every time. It's like seeing a forest is a trigger into her bad memories. Gustuhin ko man na tanungin ito ay hindi ko magawa. Una, dahil dalawa lang kaming nandito sa isla. Kung may mangyari man na masama sa isa samin, ay walang makakatulong samin agad. Isa pang rason ay dahil naniniwala akong darating din yung oras na mapapagod si Cray kakatakbo sa mga problema nito. One day she'll realize that it's better to face it than to run away from it. She can never outrun the ghosts that are living inside her head.

Maybe, that's also the reason that I don't want to give myself to her yet. Because I don't have any idea if which version of her I will be getting after it.

Maybe she went out for a walk. In the seashore.

I started running towards the side of the sea to check if Cray will be there.

It took me almost fifteen minutes before seeing a silhouette of a woman just hiding behind a full-grown old tree. And since the sun is settling back on its nest, giving away that bleeding hues which me and my siblings refer as the golden hour, it created a shadow of that woman as huge as the whole picture. Taking most of a picture-worthy scene that's enough to captivate one's breath.

Just like the one that's painted in our front door.

I felt that hammering inside my chest for no reason. Making me unease for something I had no idea of.

Trying not to make a sound, I started crossing the distance towards Cray. In a five-meter distance, I can clearly see what she is actually doing. She's sitting while facing towards the sea as she still holds a sketchpad and a pencil. And it wouldn't take a genius to figure out what she's doing.

"You know how to draw?"

Napaangat yung mukha ni Cray sakin nang marinig yung boses ko. Halos manlaki pa nga yung mga mata nito sa pagkagulat bago itinago sa likod yung hawak na sketch pad.

Walang imik na lumapit ako dito at hinablot sa likuran nito yung sketchpad. It was an old sketch pad. Halos maging kulay dilaw na nga yung papel niyon at nag-iiba na din yung texture. The front has an initial of C.K.

"Ember."

Kunot-noong inisa isa ko yung pahina ng sketchbook. The first few pages were an image of a child being ecstatic for holding a fish. Another was a calming sunset with a lively crowd where there were kids roaming around, women carrying containers, fishers reaching the shore. The third one was a familiar scene to me, the hotspring at the hill.

"What's this?" I couldn't describe the emotions that I am having at the same time as I continue to turn the pages while my hands are trembling uncontrollably.

"Ember, you don't understand. Give it back."

The next pages stunned me. The strokes changes all of a sudden from light ones to harsh ones. From fluid strokes blending without a flaw to harsh strokes with no particular motion. Just like lines that are meeting with no exact rhythm.