ECLIPSE *An Abusive Relationship* || JEON JUNGKOOK

THE UNEXPECTED

I closed the diary when I realized my eyes were wet and it was too late. I arranged everything back to its place and promised myself to never open it again. I arranged everything i needed for tomorrow and laid on my bed, closing my eyes all I could think of was her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. She had a sparkle in her eyes, I loved her with my whole heat only if I could make her mine life would have been different for me.

I took a deep sigh and got up to drink some water, I sat on the bed still holding the half filled glass of water and thinking how happy she is now, that she is with someone she loved. I shook my head and laid on the bed again, trying not to think about her and fell asleep some time later.

Y/N's POV

I was in my office doing all the research work with Nicole's help. She has been avoiding me since the last few hours because we had an argument this morning. It was the same old topic that something happened to me and I changed and blah blah blah. I know she is concerned but I am fed up with her concern. I know she cares about me but I can't tell her what is going on with me. I just can't, what will I tell her that jungkook abuses me? No she will never believe me. Ever since she knows him she loves him more than me and why won't she? Jungkook was the one who loved and supported me when my sister died. He was the one who gave me his comfort and love. I know others were there as well but I wanted him and he was there for me.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a thud on the door I looked up only to see nicole getting out of my office. It was lunch time, I basically had no appetite so I just sat there not wanting to do anything. After a minute or something nicole came back and placed a box on my table and left.

I opened the box only to see club sandwiches. I love sandwiches and she knew it maybe she noticed that I am not eating that much so she made it. I looked at it, it was delicious but I felt like throwing up I don't know why but I just did not have any mood to eat.

I know why all this is happening with me it is because of the anxiety I am having. I am just scared to have eating disorders as well again because anxiety is okay to handle at one time but I can't handle anything else I don't have a capacity to handle things anymore, my work was already stressful and my personal life was simply fucked.

The worst part about everything is that I can't even seek for help, what would I tell my therapists. If ever I start taking therapies again. I can't tell them, jungkook will kill me. He has this image that no one on this whole entire earth will ever imagine him hurting someone and if I say that he hits me, abuses me, yells at me and rapes me- nobody will believe me. Nobody will.

The problem with me is that I am stuck with him I know he will never change I know he will always abuse me I know maybe someday he will kill me but still I want to be with him. I don't know why maybe I am getting crazy day by day. Maybe I am not the girl I once was maybe I am a stupid women who lets her husband abuse her.

I resist him every time he does something to me but what to do how to get out of the cage I created for my own self. Last night was different, jungkook was different. Maybe he understood I was in pain, maybe he saw my pain and chose not to hurt me anymore, I know he loves me I know he does. It's just he does not know how to express it.

His warm hug last night brought my heart at ease. I slept peacefully after ages. His arms around me is all I want.

Aghhhh...!!!! I grabbed my hair in frustration because I was taking two ways. Sometimes I just want to run away from him but then on the other side I want to stay with him no matter what he does to me. I started crying because I was so sick of myself, it was like my brain was playing games with me.

I just started feeling Claustrophobic (Claustrophobia is an anxiety disorder that causes an intense fear of enclosed spaces. If you get very nervous or upset when you're in a tight place, like an elevator or crowded room, you might have claustrophobia) all of a sudden the walls of my office was problematic for me and the smell of the fresh printed papers were un bearable. I could feel the blood rush in my head, it was crazy, everything around me was making me feel dizzy and breathless. I just wanted to run out.