ECLIPSE *An Abusive Relationship* || JEON JUNGKOOK

THINGS THAT ARE LEFT UNSAID

CHAPTER: 60

"Someone once told me to always live for the little things in life. Live for 5 am sunrises and 5 pm sunsets where you'll see colors in the sky that don't usually belong. Live for road trips and bike rides with music in your ears and the wind in your hair. Live for days when you're surrounded by your favorite people who make you realize that the love is not a cold, harsh place. Live for the little things because they will make you realize that this is what life is all about, this is what it means to be alive. If you're at a point right now where you don't see any hope in the future, remember that future will always seem overwhelming when you're thinking about it all at once. You only have to live through one moment at a time. Focus on now and focus on getting through this, because you will."

-JOSEPHINE WESTEROS

Y/N's POV

Everything was blurred when I first opened my eyes. There was a stinging pain in my head, it must be the medicines. I pinched my eyes close and brought my left hand to rub my temples, I felt pain on the back of my hand too and I quickly opened my eyes to see what it is, it was the canula which was attached to a bottle, hanging up on the stand. I turned my head towards the other side only to see Jungkook resting his head on my right hand. I couldn't see his face because it was on the other side.

I left a deep sigh and pressed my head on the back of the pillow to resist the pain I was feeling but it was like un-resist-able. I looked at the ceiling and then at the back of Jungkook's head. He was here for me. He's always been with me whenever I am at the hospital. I feel pity for myself. How did I land here? How am I still with him? He has done everything which I didn't want in my life, how just how am I still with him?

And I instantly regret asking questions to myself because I know the answer to it. I am pathetic. Pathetic because I still love him, pathetic because I am the one who wronged him. I am pathetic. I never thought we will turn out to be like this, I never thought we will come to this turn of life where we both are fucked in the head and we fucked each other's head. Jungkook was not like this when we met. He wasn't, he was the perfect guy. He was never jealous, possessive, dominant or controlling. He trusted me. He loved me in every way possible. He was the perfect guy every women wanted. Now, I don't know him anymore. In the past few months I feel like I am living with a different person but I still love him despite what he has changed into. Why?

I will never justify what he did to me but I just can't stop loving him. If I get a change to remove every time he hit me, every time he hurt me, every time he insulted me and every time he forced me. I would change it and still choose to love him.

I was the problem ever since our relationship started, I am still the problem. It's like he is stuck with me. I think he was always somewhere or the other stuck with me. The things I did to him are unapologetic and it was all in the past. Jungkook said he is over them but I know he has all this, huge anger filled up inside him just because of my past.

The relationship was unproblematic. Yes, we did fight and argue but he never raised his voice at me, he never hit me he never did anything wrong.

And he never told me why he is being like this, his reasons were always unbelievable for me because all that time we spent as a couple he was not like this. Our first year of marriage was great but what happened so suddenly that he completely changed?

I suddenly got out of my thoughts and sat up straight, realizing I was the problem all along. Ever since the beginning I was the one. I hurt him first, I made him cry first, I broke up with him first and I was the one to break his heart first. I was the one.

Every time I asked him why he did all that to me, well maybe I shouldn't ask that because I know now. I fucking know.

He hurt me for stupid things but now I know the actual reason. He knows. He knows what I did to him and he will never forgive me for that. He won't, he will never. I don't know how but I know he knows what I was hiding from him all this time and I can never justify that.