CHAPTER: 54
"Sometimes, we built this idea in our minds of who a person is, or what they can be. We keep sticking around them, despite how unfairly they treat us, because we think that one day, they will change. One day, they will notice all that we're doing for them. They will appreciate us, and stop taking for granted the love we extend to them. The thing is, most times, such people never change. They never open their eyes and realize how lucky they are to have us in their lives. In the end, it just leaves us with a whole lot of regret and very little love left inside us. Even though it's painful to accept that being with such people means leading ourselves to a dead end, it's something we have to do. We have to choose to save our efforts for better people. We have to move on from those who not value our presence."
-JOSEPHINE WESTEROS
JUNGKOOK's POV
I parked my car and checked my phone to see if I got a message from Sia or not. She called me here in a hurry and she herself went somewhere, "some work came up" she said. I kept my phone in my pocket and started walking towards the elevator and pressed on the button 34. As the lift started moving I stretched a little because my back was aching.
After 3 minutes or something the lift opened as I got out and walked a little, I found the room which she told me about. I put the pass code and went inside. The room had a misty smell I am pretty sure she asked for it specially I will never understand her obsession with room fresheners especially the mist essence.
I looked around and went to the balcony. I stood there and rested my hands on the railing and looked up at the sky, the clouds were dark and the sky was rumbling. I sighed and looked around the city, the cars were running on the streets, people walking all over the cross roads. As the wind spaced on my face, I felt a chill. Winter is almost here and soon it will snow. Thinking of snow, her sleeping face crossed my mind. I sometimes imagine how many times I have lied to her about how ugly she is and how disgusted I feel looking at her, well my soul intention was to hurt her. I never meant it because there was no women prettier than her for me.
It feels like half of my life I've loved her dearly and I still do now. I love her and I told I her that I love her not because I wanted her to hear that but because for her to know that I honesty, completely, truly love her and I don't think I can ever stop loving her. Even after all her lies I love her. I really regret what I did to her but I was hurt too, how can she do that to me?
If we could look into each other's hearts and understand the unique challenges each if us faces, I think we would treat each other more gently, with more love, tolerance and care.
There was never a time when I said "I hate you" to her was true because no matter what I can never stop loving her and I hate myself for that.
Why does she think I do all this to her because of the baby. I know that it's the burden she carries every day and she is sorry for that which she shouldn't be but what about my burdens? What about the things that I carry inside me? What about all the pain I have in my heart? Previously when I hurt her I did it because it made me feel good and I am not proud of it. I just get into these moods sometimes and then there is no going back.
Coming to which I am sacred to be with her because I don't want to hurt her, anymore!. And I really want to leave her. She is better off without me, she thinks I am the only one who could help her but she is wrong. I was the one who made her helpless. I am no help to her I am just her abuser. But she is not wrong to be completely honest I am actually the only one who can calm her down because she trusts me the most and she listens to me.
I broke her completely, her trust, her faith and everything that she had on me and she still wants me?
I just want her to stay away from me because the last few days I was buried in regrets and looking at her pulled me inside my deep hell hole of guilt but yesterday I was mad at her, looking at her doing all that I got angry. I know she did it because she was not in her right mind but what if I would've lost it? I know me very well. I know I would've hurt her, badly. There is a lot going on in my mind right now, my father, my work, the people who i'm trying to help and y/n. Yesterday I was just inches apart from her, I would have literally hit her.
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ECLIPSE *An Abusive Relationship* || JEON JUNGKOOK
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