I didn't want to let any tears drop. Maybe because it proved that I was sad. And that meant I was heartbroken. Or maybe because it meant that I accepted the fact that Cassia broke up with me; and I haven't accepted that yet.
The words she said had settled into a pit in my heart and even worse, a pit in my brain. And now I sit here wondering how I would feel if someone treated Cassia the way I treated Gia. If some dumbass dragged her along just to make some girl jealous and used her as if she was nothing, I would lash out just like she did. It puts me physically in pain to think about how bad Gia felt. It makes me feel even worse that I had to be broken up with to be put in my rightful place. I grab my phone and dial Gia's number.
"No." Her voice rings adamantly. "I don't care what you're asking me, the answer's no."
I nod at her aggression. I deserve it. "You don't need to hear my apology but I treated you like trash and I need you to know that you are so much better than that."
"I already know." She says quickly. "How'd it work out with that Cassia girl?" She says hesitantly.
I sigh, having to face the truth. "She broke up with me... Because she saw how I treated you... And I'm pretty sure she's in love with her guy best friend."
"I told you so." She says shamelessly.
"I know that 'I'm sorry' isn't enough. But I am sorry and I want to work on myself so that I'm not a douche for the rest of my life." I say earnestly.
She sighs and pauses for a moment. "Thank you, but I'm still going to be weary of you till I know you have reformed."
"You deserve that privilege." I smile. "You deserve more than me."
"Goodbye, Jake." The flat tone sounds pessimistic but I'm happy that she somewhat accepted my apology.
I sit in the silence, my heart still aching but my mind clearing the fog. I seem to see a familiar face and I don't stop my instinct to speak up. "Garrett!" I call out.
He stops in his tracks, tears on his face and a scowl on his face. He spots me and comes charging. "You were supposed to get Cassia to love you and then I would get Max. You messed up the entire plan. Did you realize that if you fuck up, I get affected?" He sobs as he yells. "Did you? Did..." He trails off into tears.
"Do you want to talk?" I say hesitantly.
He sits beside me on the bleachers. "Yes please." He tucks some hair back before speaking. "When I went to Max's house, he answered the door and let me talk. And after I confessed my heart out, he just stated that he wasn't gay." He puffs out some air. "I guess that I had a crush on Max for so long that I never really thought about his perspective. I never really realized that he might not like me back and Cassia always said he did so I believed her. It was really hard for me to accept that he didn't like me after believing that he did for the past few years." He looked off to the side. "So I insisted that he liked me."
"I'm familiar with the feeling." I say slowly.
"Ha, I bet." He lacks emotion when he speaks. "Then I realized that if he doesn't love me, he must love someone else. Then Cassia came down and it all clicked. And I've never felt so mad and so sad so I was really mean to them. And honestly, I stand by what I said. But I don't want to go forward in life without any friends. It's just love isn't it? I shouldn't push away my closest friends because of love, right?"
I try to process everything in a way where I can respond eloquently. "I know that it hurts like hell when you break up with someone but you never got your feelings reciprocated." He flinches, realizing how insensitive he sounds. "Sorry." He adds. "Anyways, I don't know how much that stings. You need to do what's best for you. Bro, you're always narcissistic -this is a moment where I'm actually going to support it."
He narrowed his eyes in offense, pushing the last of his tears down his face. Eventually, he bit his lower lip and smiled. "I get to do what's best for me. Honestly, I deserve to after how both my best friends treated me."
"There's that narcissism I was talking about." I joke.
"Shut up." He says, but there's finally a smile on his face.
Looking at him, I realize that he went through much more than me. He crushed on his best friend for a year only to have his other best friend go ahead and date his crush. Cassia broke me, but I honestly feel like I deserve it for how much of an overprotective dick I was to her and a plain douche I was to Gia. I broke many more hearts than Cassia has; she only broke mine. I'm not saying that anything hurts any less and that I won't miss her, or love her, or want her, less that I already do. But looking at Garrett, smiling after hurting more than I ever did, I feel a little better.
"Thank you, Jake."
I smile slyly. "Good luck, Garrett."
