Restless nights have been a common occurrence in my house. You would think my head is stuck pondering about someone but I've really just been thinking about words. The things Max said that day, the things he's been saying all along. I guess he was never joking. Maybe I have been stuck pondering about someone. If you count thinking about someone's words as thinking about them then yes, I've been thinking about someone. Restless nights have been a common occurrence. Restless nights spent thinking about Max.
I hadn't really seen Jake around or maybe I just haven't been paying attention. Max hadn't been leaving me alone unless I was in class. His aloof -more like idiotic personality was enough for me to worry about. Speak of the devil. I say to myself as my phone buzzes.
Come over
Aww you miss me?
Yes.
Yes I do
Shut up
Are you coming?
Sure
I continue walking, heading in the direction of Max's house now. It's not long till I get there and I'm surprised to find the door open. I can see dolls and stuffies littered around the house, probably from his little sister. We never really went over to Max's house. We always met at the mall, or Garrett's house, or mine. I've only been over a handful of times. I hear footsteps in the kitchen and make my way there, hoping to find Max.
"Hello?" I see the fridge door open and pan my head down slowly until I see a tuft of hair. I exhale in relief. "Katie?"
She turns around, blond hair bobbing with her head. "Oh, hi. Cassia, right?" I nod. "Max talks about you all the time, you haven't been over in a while."
"I don't come here often, that's for sure." I say awkwardly. "I guess your parents aren't here." She only shrugs. "You've gotten a little taller."
"I just turned eight!" She says excitedly. "You don't need to get me a gift because I just donated money this year."
"That's nice of you." I pause for a moment and we just stare at each other. "Do you know where Max is?"
"Yep. He came home from soccer practice, he might be in the shower."
"I'll just wait in his room." I say, turning and walking quickly. "Thank you, Katie!" I call over my shoulder.
Max's room hasn't changed since the last time I came. An array of soccer trophies clustered in one corner, generic blue sheets, black desk, small closet. My favourite area is actually the bulletin board that hangs above his desk. There he hangs up photos and to-do lists. I inspect his newest ones. He has some old photos of us from last year, our appearance hasn't changed much. Shorter hair, different glasses. He has a new photo of his soccer team, he's on the left smiling brightly. He was a family photo where everyone looks a little uncomfortable and unsteady and another where no one is looking at the camera but everyone's genuinely happy.
"Looking at photos of me, Cassia?"
I turn to face where the voice is coming from. There, Max has a pair of sweatpants on and holds his shirt in his right hand, leaving his bare chest exposed. I feel myself blush. "Put a shirt on. It's so sexist that society accepts men with their shirts off but not women."
Max smirks. "If you want to take your shirt off I'm completely fine with that." He says darkly.
As if I wasn't already overflowing with colour, my cheeks get warmer. I hope that the bad lighting hides it. "Shut up." I say, surprised to hear Max say it with me.
"You need a new catch phrase." He shakes his head.
"And you need to put on a shirt."
He laughs and puts the shirt on. I raise my eyebrows as if the t-shirt hides anything. It's white on his freshly showered body. God help me. "Why exactly did you want me to come over?"
"I missed you." He says with a straight face.
I repeat my question and he rolls his eyes. "I missed you AND I wanted to talk to you. I am your vent, I am your therapist, I know for a fact that you got some thoughts up in that beautiful mind of yours and if you suppress them you're gonna hurt yourself. So, let's talk." He sat down on his bed and patted the space beside him.
I share tidbits of how I feel. How I always thought Jake was overprotective. I tell Max that it was cute and hot at first, the fact that he would get jealous and strong-willed. But once we started dating it felt like a prison. I tell him all of that. I talk a bit about Garrett. I say how Garrett always talks about him and how annoying it can be when he just pushes your stories aside. "No offense," I say, "but I hear about you so much that I hate it."
"I would too." He admits.
"You know Garrett literally loves you, right?" I ask, too lazy to hide his secret.
"I know." He confesses. "But I don't think he loves me enough to leave me alone for like, two seconds." He laughs but I can feel the emotion in his voice.
"You sound like you need to talk. Why don't we talk?" He looks suspicious. "I am your vent, I am your therapist, I know for a fact that you got some thoughts up in the wonderful mind of yours and if you suppress them you're gonna hurt yourself." I repeat, hoping it convinces him.
"Okay." He leans back until his head reaches a pillow. I'm still sitting up, hand supporting me as I lean backward. "Stay beside me." He says softly. Reaching for my hand and gently pulling me down to lay beside him. He keeps our hands intertwined and this time, Garrett's not here to tear them apart. He's really quiet when he speaks. "I know Garrett likes me. I'm pretty sure it's joke but if it's not, I don't know how to tell him that I'm not-"
"Gay?" I ask. "He'll understand. Or at the very least, he'll turn to me and I'll make sure that he won't hate you."
He talks for a bit longer. His voice wraps me in warmth and comfort. It's not like when Garrett complains to me, that feels like I'm getting suffocated by his problems. Suddenly, his stress is mine. With Max, it's just like he's telling a story. And he's not complaining, he's just stating facts. He talks about his soccer team for a while. I close my eyes as he talks and just let the words overtake me. I've never loved anyone's words so much.
It was so much easier with Max. I had no standards to meet, no girlfriend handbook to follow, no rules, just friendship. If you could call this friendship. Our hands are still intertwined but I can barely feel it anymore. It feels natural at this point.
I feel myself drifting off and shake myself back awake. "Max." I whisper. "I'm falling asleep." I'm falling for you.
"That's okay." He rubs his thumb back and forth over mine. "Let me hold you."
"You already have me."
