I check my phone for the fifth time, watching the number change from 12:30 to 12:31. They're late. They are probably not gonna show up. Which means that I can go home. I smile, willing to ignore my problems than face them.
And then I am forced to face them.
Like really face them. Because when I stand up and look at the door to leave, the two very people I was expecting (but not hoping) to see, walk in. Max holds the door for her but also holds her hand. Cassia looks nervous -anxious even, but smiles whenever she looks at him.
And me?
My heart drops.
Because they showed up and now I have to talk to them. And I have to look at them. Together. I have to look at them together. It had been a good three weeks since everything had happened. We saw each other in hallways and classes but a glance was the extent of our communication. Then Cassia reached out. She asked Jake and I to meet her and Max at the coffee shop at the mall. It's funny thinking back to the last time we were all here together. I was still crushing on Max and thought a barista hit on me. Of course, that barista was actually asking for Cassia's number who, at the time, was dating Jake. And we were still friends. We were all kinda friends. Now it's the same people but everything else was different. Where there were memories there is now tension. Where there was tension there is love, God Cassia and Max. And those who were friends are now strangers.
Jake walks in a few minutes after Cassia and Max. They're at a counter and he spots them immediately. It's odd, watching the same realization that you just had, hit another person. I see his eyes burn with anger, then glaze over in sadness, before reluctantly lining up, only separated by a few people. As he waits, he looks around the shop, probably thinking back just as I did. Cassia gets a warm, sweet, coffee that she cups with her hands. Max probably just has creamer in his. And Jake seems to get a tall cup of black coffee. Cassia spots me and her eyes soften. She grabs Max by his wrist and they begin to walk towards me.
That's when I realize I'm still standing. Abruptly, I drop into my chair just as they arrive. "Hi Max. Cassia." I smile as best as I can.
Cassia gives a small wave and Max mutters a low "hey."
We sit in silence for a moment before Jake comes and he just plops down into a chair without saying anything. Cassia's eyes glance over at him and for a moment, they seem to lose the sparkle that they usually have. She takes a sip of coffee before speaking. "So, I knew that we needed to talk. I thought that this would be a good place to get the worst over with, right?" Max nods as if to encourage her. "But I don't want to force anyone into conversations that they don't want to have so I'm leaving it up to both of you. You get to decide if and who you want to talk to."
I don't know if I want to talk to either of them. Then why did you come? Part of me asks. Because I wanted to see how terrible they are together. An angry part of my brain answers. Because I wanted to put salt in the wound. I think sadly. Because... Because I feel bad for how I treated them that day. They were just two people in love and I got caught in the crosswalk. The truth speaks last, but it speaks loudly. The things I said to Cassia were terrible. I was out of control that day. I definitely need to talk to them.
Max stares at us while we process what Cassia said. He opens his mouth slowly. "If you don't want to talk to us or see us, we can leave. That's okay too."
Don't go. I want to say to both of them. In fact, there's so much I have to say. I look at Cassia and almost ask to speak to her in private.
"Max, I need to talk to you. Please."
