Only Once

Doubts

Part 7

When you wake up feeling so loved and calm until you turn to find that Tammy isn't there.

You get up abruptly and go downstairs to only find Lou who pulls you for a chat.

Lou - "Tammy's gone with Debbie for coffee. Her head seemed all over the place and she wasn't talking so she took her away from here to clear her head."

You sit silent.

Lou -"You guys were so loud by the way."

Y/n - "Oh god..."

Lou - "Haha I wasn't complaining... it sounded hot... I'm guessing you had a fun time."

Y/n - "Well yeah I thought we did but I guess not."

Lou - "Hey no don't do that you don't know what she was going through and thinking before last night so don't do that."

You start to tear up

Y/n - "But that makes it worse because im supposed to know. I thought I was her best friend here so why didn't she tell me something was wrong? Why can't she trust me? She could have told me this morning but she's gone... she's gone Lou and it's all my fault..."

Lou - "Hey hey stop that and come here."

She hugs you.

Lou - "You did nothing wrong. Anything could be on her mind so don't dwell on you being a possibility when there could be so so many different reasons."

You calm down but you're not done.

Y/n - "But I am the only option. She was fine before last night and I'm the only anomaly so it's kind of obvious."

Lou - "But even if that's true you said you guys had fun so I don't think..."

Y/n - "Yeah well Lou if I'm honest I don't think she did have fun. And now she's off with Debbie stringing together how to let me know that she doesn't want me like that. That I was a one time thing. That I was a mistake. Like I always fucking am!"

You get up and sit in the corner in a ball with your hands in your hair.

Lou - "Hey!... Hey don't talk about yourself like that!"

Y/n - "Why not. It's true..."

Lou - "Who's said that then?"

Y/n - "Me... I did. I know myself Lou and that sums my life up pretty well. If anything I thought you of all people would agree with that..."

Lou- "Y/n please-"

Y/n - "What? If I'm not mistaken your words were... I had fun but we can't do this again..."

Lous silent.

Y/n - "Yeah funny isn't it. Irony."

You get up and head outside lighting a cigarette and taking a drag before tears fall down your face as you blow out the smoke.

Lou comes out and sees you smoking getting concerned.