Black Swan (Kim Namjoon x reader)

Chapter 18

The room fell silent. Outside, the windchime sang. "But I guess it's good that she doesn't know what I look like," you chuckled softly.

"It doesn't mean you should let your guards down," Namjoon maintained. "We might have destroyed all traces of you in the human world, but she can still find out many things on her own. So you need to continue to stay here until we know for sure that it's safe."

"Yes, of course," you agreed.

In the distance, thunder roared. You glanced outside the window and saw gray clouds covering the stars above. You excused yourself from the dinner table and went outside to grab the clothes you had hung by the lake earlier in the afternoon to dry. At least the house had a washing machine. Namjoon watched as you headed out the back door and towards the lake. He couldn't force himself to look away from you.

"You know she's not okay, right?" Jimin spoke. He heard your mind beginning to shut down when Namjoon was nagging at you earlier. He hadn't felt that sad in so long. "Nothing about this is okay for her."

"She doesn't have any other choice if she wants to stay safe," Namjoon argued. He took a sip of the whiskey Hoseok brought over. Bitter and hot. It kept him distracted.

"That's not the problem here," Seokjin chimed in. "She wants to survive, but what's more important is she needs to know she's not alone."

"Well that's why I brought you all here, isn't that enough?" Namjoon scoffed. He was starting to get a headache.

"What happens when none of us are here?" Hoseok added. "She's all alone with no one to talk to and no one for miles. She's fearful for her life and she can't confide in anyone."

"She's old enough to figure it out herself," Namjoon grunted.

"Why are you being like this, hyung?" Jungkook asked. "We know you care about her, that's why you brought her here. You would never risk your safety or privacy for someone else. So why are you keeping her at a distance?"

Namjoon exhaled loudly. He didn't know the answer himself. He hated to admit that he cared for you, but anyone could see it. Namjoon wasn't known to be someone who puts in effort or goes out of his lifestyle for anyone else. But for you, he's risking his magic and those he loves just to make sure you're out of harm's way. He knows that none of this makes sense and it was cruel of him to expect you to accept everything he demands without question. He knows that you're not okay even when you tell him otherwise. There had been multiple nights when he found you crying outside while being down by the lake and those were when he was at the house. He wondered what happens when he's not there. "What do you want me to do? I want to keep her safe."

Yoongi picked his head up, "Let her know that. Let her know that's what you're doing."

Namjoon sighed, he was outnumbered. The cool and unbothered act he had been putting up was what he thought you needed. To know that nothing has changed and everything was fine. But he could see how it made you feel isolated and troubled. When you returned with the clothes in your arms, he could see the red in your eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," you smiled. Jimin tapped his finger on the table. That was a lie. Namjoon stood up and walked over. Without saying anything, he grabbed the clothes from your arms and walked off. Hoseok snickered silently as you followed Namjoon to your room. "You don't have to do that," you urged.

"Shut up, it's just a short walk," Namjoon replied. After dropping your clothes off, he turned around to look at you. "Listen, you don't have to lie to me anymore."

Your palms were sweating, wondering what you've done wrong this time. "What?"

Namjoon bit his lip and looked away, "If you're not okay, you don't have to pretend that you are."

"I haven't-"

"You have," Namjoon interrupted. He looked at you carefully and finally noticed the weight you've lost and the sleep you haven't caught up on. He mentally kicked himself. "I know because that's what I've been expecting you to do. To keep your feelings away to make this feel normal. But I recognize that this is the strangest and probably the scariest thing you've ever experienced in your life and I don't want to invalidate your feelings. I'm sorry that I've been doing that this whole time. I guess, in a way, I wanted to pretend things were okay. That I just get to go to school and hang out with my friends at night just like before. But that's not fair to you because you don't have the luxury of pretending. So I'm sorry. From now on, please be honest about your feelings in front of me and all of us."

Thunder boomed and lightning flashed through the window. The next second you were crying. Namjoon sighed out of relief actually at the sight of you wailing like a child. He took a step forward with his arms extending out. Your head fitted perfectly in his chest. He smelled of lavender. "I'm so scared," you whimpered. "I don't want to die."

"Don't worry," he whispered on top of your head while patting your back. "I won't let anything or anyone hurt you."

"But I don't want you or the boys getting hurt because of me either,"

"They want to do this," he assured. "I want to do this."

"Why are you helping me? You should protect yourself first."

He smiled, it was exactly what he thought the first night he saved you. But the old maid told him that nothing lasts forever and if he found something good, he should hold it tight. He fidgeted with the ring on his own finger. "I'll tell you another day."