Tethered to You (Alastor X OC)

Ch 14

I walked slightly in front of Alastor. His hand was loosely in mine, and my legs carried me with ease towards our destination.

I could feel the tightness building in my chest.

My palms grew sweaty, and her section came into view.

My legs felt strangely weak as we approached, and I turned down the row her grave was placed.

Gingerly, I lead Alastor towards her polished headstone.

When we arrived, the grass crunched under our feet. It was slightly dead from the new chilled weather.

Her headstone was flat in the ground, embedded.

There's was a polished metal plate attached to it.

Slowly, I lowered to my knees, gently brushing away any dirt or leaves. Alastor took the hint and lowered himself as well.

My eyes were trained on the headstone, my fists clenched in my lap. Looking at it was still difficult two years later.

The only thing I've ever wanted in life. Snatched. Stolen.

Something of my own, something real. Someone I could give the love I never received.

My fingers brushed over her name, engraved in beautiful cursive.

Juliette Winters

"My full name..." I began softly, barely above a whisper, "is Ariel May Winters..."

I finally turned my eyes towards him, and his face looked expectant.

He looked sad.

That ever present smile was no where to be seen. It was the first time I'd directly seen him without it.

"And I'd like you to meet my daughter..."

My voice came out small, already shaking.

I looked back to the headstone.

"Juliette...was a blessing sent from God..." my bottom lip quivered, and my fingers curled into a fist, "...but he took her back."

For what reason I'd never know.

"I ask myself every day why he'd do it...for my entire life I dreamed of the day I could give a child of my own a bond... the bond of a good mother..." my voice strained, the bottom of my vision blurring as the tears built up.

"I don't know if it was punishment..." I whispered, sniffing, "punishment for getting pregnant...I was drunk...he never even left a note. I never knew his name. I only knew I woke up covered in blood and vomit..."

The entire world melted away from around me, my eyes focusing solely on the baby shoes carved into the metal plate.

"He took so much from me that night...but gave me something worth so much more..." I uttered just above a whisper.

Suddenly Alastor's hand appeared next to mine. Our hands next to each other on her tombstone looked poetic.

A true family. Only a fantasy.

I sniffed and turned towards him. I didn't come here to cry...I was probably going to, but I wasn't going to sit here and blubber.

He reached up and very gently touched my face, then he cupped my cheek and I leaned into his touch. My hand laid over his, and I closed my eyes.

"I carried her all nine months..." I said softly, remembering how I'd carried her. How every kick, every ultrasound made me feel so much closer to happiness.

My eyes opened, and met his. They were a bright, but gentle red. We were alone, so him putting his guard down meant he was truly listening.

"A week before she was due...I woke up with stomach pain. I had no husband...no boyfriend...no family..." I shook my head, "I called 911 and they took me into the hospital, they said a bunch of things I didn't understand..."

The machines, the voices, the lights. It was all coming back.

"When I felt something warm between my legs I thought my water—" my voice caught in my throat as I choked up and my hand flew over my mouth.

My eyes squeezed shut, a few tears cascading down my cheeks.

"I thought my water had broke...I thought she was early...but it was blood. I was hemorrhaging, and she wasn't getting enough oxygen..."

I shook my head, remembering how frantic the doctors sounded.

We need to get the baby out, now!

Sedate her! Call the surgeon for an emergency c section!

I opened my eyes, and Alastor observed my features with a somber expression.

"W-when I woke up...I asked...I asked if I could h-hold her..."

I remembered the nurses face when I asked her that. How her expression alone said a thousand words.

I remember how gently she handed her to me. She was swaddled, and had a little pink hat on. You wouldn't have thought anything was out of the ordinary...

"Her little face was angelic...I remember how peaceful she looked," I sniffed and let out a soft laugh, unable to keep the tears back any longer.

"So perfect...so small...but she was gone. She had suffocated before they could get to her..."

I spent hours with her in my arms, it wasn't until her little lips started turning blue that I was able to give her up. Until then I at least could pretend...

Alastor was looking at me softly. Then he gave me a gentle smile, and looked at the grave.

"I'm sure she was beautiful...with a mother as angelic as you, I'm sure she was," he said so gently it barely even sounded like him.

"God works...mysteriously," he added, and I traced the letters of her name with my nail, "and I'm not going to sit here and lie, him and I aren't on good terms..."

I met his eyes once again, and he gently cupped my face with both hands, "...but I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart...yes, I have one," he joked lightly and I couldn't help but let out a small laugh, "he was not punishing you..."

My eyes widened and a new wave of tears stung my eyes. I let out a sob and Alastor pulled me into his chest.

"And it was not your fault..."

Another sob ripped through my throat as I clutched his jacket.

No one has ever been able to tell me those affirmations. I sat in my own depression for months, wondering what I did wrong.

If I could have saved her.

But I couldn't. I never could have known, or prevented it from happening.

It was out of my hands.

And a weight lifted from my shoulders as I sobbed into Alastor's chest, knelt by the grave of my stillborn daughter.

*

*

Please take care of my music box...