bad company || B.E

bellyache

billie's POV:

i decided to sit down and write a song. i had a song finished that i wanted to release sometime this month. but i had some inspiration to write, so why not.

i wasn't sure what it was gonna be called, but i had some ideas for the chorus. i had a lot going through my mind about.. well, everything. but mostly how i was literally gonna kill somebody. although nothings stopping me, i'm still feeling hesitant for some reason. i needed to write so i could bring myself closer to doing it.

i think the only reason i was still hesitant was because i knew she'd be heart broken finding him dead. and i'd never want her to have to go through that. i took out my notebook from my suitcase and opened it up, and just wrote.

where's my mind?
maybe it's in the gutter
where i left my lover.
what an expensive fake.
my V is for vendetta.
thought that i'd feel better.

then i was stuck for a while. throw his ass in a lake? it's a piece of cake? he shall never wake? no.. i didn't want it to be obvious that i was literally killing somebody. then i started thinking of all the words that rhyme with fake. then i thought of ache.. bellyache.

my V is for vendetta
thought that i'd feel better.
but now i got a bellyache.

fucking perfect. i knew i wanted it to be mostly and upbeat acoustic but then have some funky bass in the chorus. this was gonna be amazing. too amazing. it deserved to be on my future album, if i ever make one.

i probably will. but i dunno.. it sounds like a lot of work.

claudia came in to check up on me, i told her i was okay and that i was just writing. she asked me to show her some stuff i had been working on. so i decided to show her a finished song. i pulled out my keyboard from one of my suitcases and showed her.

help, i lost myself again.
but i remember you.
don't come back, it won't end well.
but i wish you'd tell me to.
our love is six feet under.
i can't help but wonder
if our grave was watered by the rain
would roses bloom?
could roses bloom again?

and so on.. she really liked it. "you should definitely show it to your team." she said. i looked at her confused. "my team?" she nodded. "yeah you know, like the group of people who signed you. you're gonna be getting assistants, managers, bodyguards." "woah woah woah bodyguards?" i interrupted.

she smiled, "yes billie bodyguards. i don't know if you know this but you're probably gonna get like.. really famous." she said. i rolled my eyes. "that's the goal." i laughed, "but i'm not gonna get super famous to the point where people can't touch me.. right?" she shrugged her shoulders. "i have no idea." she said, "i gotta go take peaches on a walk, i'll be back, but that song is really good."

i waved and said thanks. she went out of the room and i put the keyboard under my bed. i figured i may as well start unpacking now. i went on my phone into spotify and went to put on the playlist that sav made for me. even though i didn't have her, i at least wanted to feel as though she was still with me.

but when i went in to look for the playlist. it was gone. she must have deleted it. that fast? i had been gone for like.. three hours tops. and she already deleted my playlist? wow. that really fucking hurt. like really. fucking. hurt.

i stared at my phone for a good minute then out of nowhere i threw my phone across the room and it smashed up against the wall and dropped on the floor. i didn't even bother to check it. i got back up on the bed and layed down. i tried to keep it together but i couldn't for very long.

i began to cry silently into the pillow. i only let some sniffles leave my body even though i wanted to absolutely scream. but i couldn't. this is why i need to get my own place and fast.

finneas flung the bedroom door open but i had my eyes closed so i obviously couldn't see him. "what the h-" he stopped once he noticed i was crying. "what happened?" he asked calmly. i opened my eyes and looked at him.

usually in instances like this, i'd throw a pillow at his stupid face and yell at him to get out. but this time felt different. instead i felt the need to keep him around. i shook my head and sat up. he bent over and picked up my now cracked phone and gave it to me. i took it out of his hand and put it on the bed. then i stood up.

and i hugged him. for a really really long time. i just stood there and sobbed in his arms for a while. he was rubbing my back soothing me. i think he could really tell how much i was hurting. like this was more than just a heartbreak. much more was broken than that.

"i just don't know what to do." i sobbed, "i feel like absolutely nothing without her." he pulled away and lifted my head up so he could look at me. he wiped my cheek and i sniffled. "billie.. what do we do when people fuck us over?" he asked in a soft voice. i furrowed my eyebrows and shrugged lightly. "what?"

he stepped back a bit to give me room to breathe. "we fight back." he said. and gave me a 'you know what i mean' look. "so what your saying is that i should-" "kick his ass. put an end to this shit." he interrupted, "when you want something, you find a way to get it, don't give up now." then he gave me that look again.

and he was right. he always is. i guess i new that, i just needed someone else to remind me. but i didn't think it was gonna be finneas telling me.

i guess my brother is just as crazy as i am.

word count : 1070
an : ok but can we talk about billies MET GALA OUTFIT????? i'm still fucking SCREAMING oh my god. she looked like a sexy disney princess. oh my actual god.