Necessary Good, Unnecessary Evil | No rest For Wounded Souls [Bucky Barnes]

Guilt

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
-Paul Boese

****

Nova's POV

The team is sitting in the dining room, and the atmosphere is very tense.
I see tired and stressed faces around, but who worries me the most is Wanda.
She's been staring at her plate for ten minutes without saying a word.
"How are you feeling?" I think out loud in my head, hoping she will let me in.
I wait for a few seconds before I hear something back.
"Not so good." I shiver. She's in pain, and I can feel it. The guilt she feels is so strong I have to remind myself it's not mine. Not this time at least.
She's trying not to let me see too much, but it's still very intense.
"Is there anything you need? I can make you something hot, and we can watch TV in Tony's screening room." I suggest, and I notice her smiling softly.
"I'll just go to sleep, thank you." She replys before shutting me off.
I press my lips together, feeling completely useless.
I don't know how to tell her that she isn't to blame no, because she won't believe me.
Why should she? It's not like I really have a say in this situation. My reputation is far from clean.

I hear a chair scraping on the floor, and Steve sits in front of me.
My stomach twirls, and I look away, feeling a little embarrassed.
My previous sex encounters never got to the after of the act, so I really don't know how to interact with him.
Is there anything I should say?
How is this going to change things between us? Or maybe nothing will change at all, and we will just go on with our lives like nothing happened.
Nat glances at Steve and me, frowning.
I talked with her, and she asked me if I was thinking of talking about that with him.
I can tell she was ok with it, but I don't think the rest of the team would be ok with Steve and me having something going on.
I can't risk putting him in the wrong. He doesn't deserve that.
I've nothing to lose, but Steve isn't me.
And that's what worries me the most.

Steve looks up, and our eyes meet for a few seconds.
He gives me a soft smile, and I imitate him.
My gaze automatically shifts on the rest of the room, making sure no one is paying attention to us.
They are all absorbed in their own head, except for Bucky.
His eyes are on me, and I feel shivers run down my spine.
I maintain eye contact with him, and I know he's onto something.
Almost everyone returns to their rooms, leaving me, Nat, Steve, and Bucky in the shared space.
I lay on the couch next to Nat, letting her rest her head on my shoulder as she watches an old black and white movie.
Steve is reading some files, probably working, and Bucky took the armchair to read.

"Does anyone want a drink?" Nat yawns, standing up and walking to the bar.
"Is there any vodka left?" I ask, stretching my neck to look at her.
"No, but there's tequila." She shrugs, bringing a half-empty bottle to the coffee table.
Nat falls next to me again and opens the bottle.
"Fuck, I forgot the glasses." She groans, and I take the bottle from her hands, bringing it to my lips and taking a long sip.
I feel the alcohol burn my throat, but it's very subtle. This stuff must be expensive.
"Like a sailor." Nat scoffs, and Steve chuckles.
"Just like high school," I mutter, and I see Steve frown at me.
"You drank tequila in high school?" He inquiries, confused.
"Europe is a different world, Steve." Natasha chimes in, and I nod, laughing.
"Not everyone spent their high school years picking fights." I hear Bucky scoff, looking at Steve.
"Well, I had to keep you busy somehow." Steve retorts, throwing a pen at him.
"I could have kept myself pretty busy even without you getting your ass beaten every end of a period." Bucky snickers, and Steve chuckles, nodding his head.
"Alright, I'll call it a day, guys. Goodnight." Nat says, rubbing her eyes.
"Sounds like a good plan." I utter, standing up and walking with her to our rooms.
I need to talk to her. She's the only one I feel I can trust.