Necessary Good, Unnecessary Evil | No rest For Wounded Souls [Bucky Barnes]

No Strings Attached

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."
-Oscar Wilde

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Nova's POV

The ticking of the clock fills the awkward silence left by David's mental breakdown.
I still can't believe I agreed to this.
Bucky dropped me here right after getting back from a mission with Wanda, and I couldn't even argue about it.
Or talk with him at all after our night at the tower.
"Nova, do you want to share something?" I lift my head, hearing the counselor calling my name.
My eyes roam the room, "pass," I mutter, ducking my head down again.
"Nova, we know each person has a different pace, and that's ok. It doesn't have to be too personal. You can share whatever you're comfortable with."

I scratch my neck, trying to figure out how to get out of there without having them knowing my shit.
"I have to be there if I want to keep my job, and someone thinks I need this," I gesticulate to the room, "because I can't do this alone. Which is wrong."
"It sounds like someone cares about your well-being." He states, and I scoff.
I look away, "I'm not a junkie. I know when to stop."
I hear a scoff and realize I may have used the wrong words, "no offense to anyone." I mutter.
"It's ok, we all like to think we can do everything by ourselves, that we don't need anyone. But fighting an addiction is not easy, and a little help is a good way to succeed." I keep my eyes averted, not wanting to continue this conversation.

I zone out for the rest of the meeting and stand up as soon as I hear chairs scratching the floor.
"I'll see you all next week." I walk to the exit but hear someone walking behind me.
"Hey," I turn around and see a woman looking at me with a smile.
"We are going to get something to eat. Do you want to join us?" She asks.
"No, thanks. Maybe next time." I lie, but I don't want to sound too rude.
"Oh, sure. No problem." She shrugs, walking back to the rest of the group.
I put on my coat and step outside.
It's raining, and I totally forgot to bring an umbrella.

"You need a ride?" I hear Bucky's voice over the rain.
"Hey," He looks at me.
"Yeah, I can really use a ride." I chuckle and follow him to the car.
"How did it go?" He asks, turning on the heat.
"The longest hour of my life." I groan, leaning against the seat.
"It can't be that bad, right?" He wonders, slowly merging with the traffic.
"I don't want to go back there. It's depressing." I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest.
"We talked about this." He sighs, keeping his focus on the street.
"No, we didn't. And it's not the only thing we should discuss."
Bucky looks at me, and I feel a lump forming in my throat.
"What do you want to talk about?" He asks, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
I hesitate, trying to formulate my thoughts into words.

"I don't know... are we just going to ignore what happened in the elevator?" I laugh nervously.
Bucky sighs deeply, "There isn't much to talk about." He shrugs, holding his chin on his fist.
"Look, I had to push Steve away, telling him I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't want him to find out and think I was just making up excuses."
I know that what happened is not a big deal, but it could look very different from Steve's perspective.
"I'm not looking for a relationship either if that's what concerns you." He jeers, and I roll my eyes.
"I just don't want him to get the wrong idea," I state, looking outside.
"Cool, cause I wasn't going to talk about it to him." He mutters.
I don't know if Bucky is regretting what we did or if he really doesn't care about it.
"Did you got your results?" He asks after a few minutes of silence.
"Yeah." I yawn and realize I'm falling asleep.
Since Bucky flushed my last stash down the toilet, I sleep like shit.
It's only been a week, and even if my body feels normal, my moods are all over the place.
I get irritable over the stupidest shit, and after a few seconds, I start crying.
I remember crying because I had run out of toothpaste, and that's when I realized it was worse than I thought.