Drowning Desires

fourteen

Maura

I slammed my pillow over my head as my alarm continued it's aggravating shriek.

The room was dark, my blinds drawn back, completely blocking the early sunlight from pouring into my room. Eventually I sat up and turned off my alarm before throwing a pillow against the wall.

I felt like shit. I had spent the whole weekend eating takeout and binge watching Gossip Girl. I was already loosing my mind in this small town with all these boring losers, and the show reminded her of home.

Gossip Girl reminded me so much of home, yet I never had a pesky anonymous person spilling all my secrets, that I couldn't be happier about.

My mum had called on Saturday, yelling at me for how stupid I was being. I took the beating like usual and carried on with my useless day.

I noticed, this weekend, just how lonely it was around here. There wasn't anyone I could call to hang out with, other than Annabelle, yet she was only a new friend.

I dragged myself out of bed and pulled back my blinds, I squinted at the bright light and shield my eyes. My room shined in the light. I had barely decorated it.

A double bed lay underneath the window, one wall had a desk full of papers and empty takeout boxes.

I had a TV set on the wall above, giving me an amazing view from my bed, it was tempting to just ignore school and continue watch Gossip Girl. I grabbed a pair of discarded jeans on the floor and slipped them on, I usually only slept in underwear and a loose shirt.

The jeans had a large dirt mark over the knee, I sighed and pulled them off. I got dressed in clean clothes, grabbed breakfast and slipped into my car.

The drive to school felt longer than normal. I didn't know how Riley would act, how the others would act considering they ditched me, allowing me to get caught by the police.

It was ridiculous, really, how they drove off without me. They could have easily stopped, yet they just kept going. I rolled my eyes, this is why I never wanted to have friends when I came here, they are all as bad as each other. 

Yet, a part of me, a very cowardly part of me, was too scared to stand up to them, to cross them. That group was the kind of people that would do whatever they could to get back at you if you made a fool of them.

The last thing I wanted was everyone at this school discovering how much of a train wreck I used to be. If you did some deep diving on the internet you could find multiple photos and videos of me doing ungodly things. I wasn't in a rush to have it all exposed.

Finally, I made it to school. The bell rang just as I got there so i didn't have to worry about sitting around twiddling my thumbs.

Classes passed at a snails pace, by the time the lunch bell rang I was ready to drop dead. I made my way to the cafeteria and told myself to suck up my pride and sit with Riley's group.

I went to grab a hotdog when I thought differently. I turned around, empty handed, and found their table. Everyone looked up at me but then looked down at their food or conversations like it was nothing.

I suppose they did those kind of jokes constantly. But it wasn't a joke to me because if I was arrested one more time my life would be done with.