Drowning Desires

thirty three

Maura

"Maura." I heard my name being yelled out to me, following me out of the school.

Annabelle had remained, hopefully to take down all those awful photos of me. I had to leave, I couldn't face them.

The school doors opened and shut. "Maura." My name was called again by that voice I had grown so used to.

Adrien was a step behind me. I hated him.

"Get the fuck away from me." I scream, not looking towards him.

My steps grew faster. I didn't want to see what look he had on his face, whether it was smugness or pain.

I couldn't look at him. To see that face I had once stared at with such unknowing love.

I made it to my car and slid in. Tears were streaming down my face, black from my mascara.

Adrien was at my door, reaching for the handle. I locked the door before he had the chance to open it.

"Maura please. Talk to me, I don't know what Jessii told you but it was all lies." Adrien said desperately through the windows.

Lies. Surely. How else would she have gotten his shirt and my ring.

I turned the car on and began to back out.

Adrien cursed and stared towards me desperately. For a split second, I could only see complete and unending pain on his face. For a split second, I believed that perhaps he wasn't the one that put those photos of me up for my behaviour. For a split second, I believed he hadn't fucked Jessii. But then his expression went blank and he walked away.

Adrien had his back to me and was walking away. I could hardly blame him.

I pulled out from the school and went on my way. Where? I didn't know.

I had been by myself, looking after myself my whole life. I had always felt alone, no matter how many people I surrounded myself with.

But Adrien made me feel safe and happy. But I suppose all good things must come to an end. I could hardly be mad at him. It was my fault.

It was my own delusional hated for myself that caused me to push Adrien away, making him sleep with Jessii. It was all my fault because I couldn't just take a breath and open my eyes.

I clutched the steering wheel tightly. So tight my knuckles were turning white. It was the same tightness that I felt in my chest. I couldn't open my lungs and take in fresh air.

I wasn't sure what to think of Adrien during this. But all I knew was that I still loved him, no matter how much I hated him right now. I was still filled with so much desire for his handsome face and sarcastic personality.

I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in hatred, drowning in desire. I was so consumed in this desire for him that I might have not seen the red flags fluttering in the wind.

Who was I kidding. I had seen them, walked up and pulled them from the ground, tossing them aside.

It was drowning me. It was hard to breath.

All I wanted was to escape from the city, from the stress of too many eyes. When my mum offered to let me come here, I had jumped at the chance for fresh air.

And I had gotten it, with Adrien, but now I was back underwater.

The image of Adrien turning around and leaving flashed into my mind. But he had listend to me, I had begged him to leave me alone.