Drowning Desires

twenty two

Adrien

I kept driving in circles around the town to clear my head. The sharp whip of the wind hit my face and I took it like a blessing.

I didn't know what I was getting myself into until tonight. The way Maura had felt, the sound of her quiet moans, her deep green eyes that stared at me with such need; it was everything I wanted, but it was nothing I needed.

We were alike, too alike for our own good. And no matter how amazing it felt to be around her, I couldn't let myself fall, because we would both end up broken even further.

I wanted to hate her, so badly I wanted to be able to look at her with such resentment as I once did. But I knew, after tonight, that would be impossible.

She needed a nice rich guy, I needed a gentle kind girl. We were so wrong for each other.

I found my heart heavy, because I wouldn't ever be able to let go when I knew, deep down, I shouldn't hold on.

I sped home in the dark.

My dads truck was in the driveway. I was late. I walked inside. My dad was drunk.

• • •

I made it to school on Monday and my first thought was Maura. It pained me to know she had thought she did something wrong, but that wasn't the problem, it was because she did everything right.

This was where it all became the problem, I had sensed it from the moment she first kissed me. Once we took that final step she would control my mind.

I didn't have to worry about seeing Maura.

She wasn't in our first class, or the next, or the next. She didn't show up.

By lunch, I went to go see her. I couldn't help it, I felt concern shoot through me as I sped to her house.

Was it because of me, was she having doubts on what she could handle.

Did she regret letting me in.

Every selfish thought about myself left my mind as a memory of the blacked out square on her calendar entered my mind.

It was today.

I drove faster, my heart speeding as fast as my motorbike.

I jumped off as soon as I got to her house, wincing at the movement. Her car was still in the drive.

I raced past it and stormed in, her lock still useless.

It was dark inside, not a single light on, not one curtain drawn open.

Maura wasn't in the main room or the living room. I walked towards her bedroom, and then I heard the sniffling.

I eased the door open and my heart dropped at the sight before me.

Maura was tucked in a ball, head leaning back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. What seemed to be every bottle of liquor she owned laid at her feet, one currently half empty in her hand.

She didn't hear me as I opened the door, she didn't look up as I walked over to her.

Her face was red, covered in snot and tears. Her eyes were open, yet they seemed to be unseeing.