Chasing the tesseract

Chapter 62

Music still clings to the air, hours after the wedding has finished and the guests have begun to go home. The chatter has died down but music still echoes throughout the large hall as a few stragglers remain upon the dance floor, their warm bodies pressed together as sweat drips down their faces. My frame perch's on the edge of a bar stool, my eyes fixed at the bottom of my rpm pry glass whilst I cradle it gently in my hands.

"Two scotch on the rocks with a twist."

My head turns to my left to find Tony taking two glasses from an overly joyful bartender, turning to face me and offering me one. "Here, drink." he demands causing me to take the glass from within his grasp as he takes a gulp of his own. "You look like you need it." he mumbles when he pulls the glass away from his lips and glances at me through the corner of his eye.

"Thanks." I raise the glass to my lips, throwing my head back and downing the drink in one big gulp before slamming the glass back down onto the bar, sliding it across to where the bartender takes it and refills it. Once he's handed me the glass back, I down yet another drink, wallowing in the alcohol at the bottom of my glass rather than my problems.

After several refills, Tony raises his eyebrows, stopping me when I go to ask the bartender for yet another refill by placing his hand upon mine. "I think you better slow down." he warns me, pushing the glass back toward me just as I slump down against the bar again, my eyes locking back on the bottom of the empty glass between my fingers. "So what's got you so miserable looking?"

"Just stuff." I shrug my shoulders, my eyes remaining locked upon the bar in front of me and avoiding Tony's as they bare upon mine.

"You're going to have to elaborate further than that." he chuckles, turning around until he's resting his back against the bar and staring out into the crowd. My eyes briefly glance up at him before I turn back to my glass again. Silence hangs in the air as I bite my lip to stop the tears that once again threaten to spill out. Glancing down at me, Tony grabs my face and turns me to face him, his eyes darkening when they land upon my teary ones. "What's the wizard done now?"

He drops my face, his glass slamming down hard on the bar before he grabs the stool to his left and sits upon the edge of it. "He apologised for hurting me." I admit, Tony's eyes narrowing and his brows drawing so close together that a small frown line forms at the bridge of his nose. "I'm supposed to be moving on Tony and he's not making it easy for me." I elaborate, sensing his confusion.

"So you don't want to move on?" Tony asks me cautiously, his eyes remaining locked upon my face the whole time. Turning to loon him dead in the eyes for the first time, I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know what I want anymore." I admit, my eyes falling part Tony's shoulder and towards where John and Mary stand on the far side of the room. Johns arm is wrapped tightly around Mary, his eyes fixed upon her as she talks passionately about something to Sherlock. The way he looks at her...you can see the love in his eyes. It's like he can't believe that any of it's actually real, that he's actually found the person he's going to spend the rest of his life with. It's beautiful.

"The question you have to ask yourself is do you love him?" Tony's voice interrupts my thoughts as I turn my attention back to him. I pause for a moment. I don't think of anything. I let my mind wander wherever it wants. I let my heart take over and slowly, I find my mind wandering to Stephen as a small nod comes from my head. "Then you need to tell him. Before it's too late."

I swallow hard, my eyes drooping down to the table in front of me. "And what if it's already too late?"

"Look Abi. I've never seen Stephen half as happy as he has been the past few months." Tony admits, taking my hand inside his and smiling softly at me. "I don't think that it'll ever be too late for him." He squeezes my hand reassuringly just as I gives him a weak smile. I never had been very good at acting happy when I wasn't. Good job my life didn't depend on it ey?

"I meant for me." Tony's eyes crease at the edges, his wide smile dropping slightly as he blinks a few times. A soft sigh comes from my lips and I remove my hand from within his. "What if it's too late for me to have a happy ending?"

"You think you don't deserve to be happy?" Tony asks me softly, carefully watching as I shake my head. I've taken so many happy endings from other people, taken away their whole lives and yet I still get a chance at mine? That doesn't seem fair. "Abi, you grew up without a real family. You were lied to, used and constantly told you weren't good enough. I mean your own father tried to kill you. More than once." Tony reminds me, his voice so much softer than it ever has been before.

"That's still no excuse for what I've done." I assure him, for the first time in a long time taking responsibility for my own actions, it's time I do that right? Stop blaming other people and start accepting that what I did will never be forgivable.

"You're right it's not. But you're trying to change. You're trying to do the right thing." Tony reminds me again, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to look him in the eyes. As I open my mouth to argue again, he shakes his head violently, cutting me off before I can even begin. "It's not enough but it's a start." His eyes bare into my own, scanning my body for any sign that I'm accepting that I deserve this chance. When he doesn't find one, he sighs and lets go of me. "And who knows, maybe Stephen is your redemption."

"You really think I deserve this?" I ask him softly after a moment of pondering.

"Deserve what?"

Turning on my heel, my eyes scan the crowd before they land upon Thor who makes his way towards us, beer in hand. A dark suit hangs around his frame, the purple velour sparkling in the light.

"Abi doesn't think she deserves her happy ending." Tony blurts out when Thor joins us, hoping that somehow, Thor will convince me. No offence to either of them but I think he'd have more chance getting a paper cup to convince me than Thor. He doesn't exactly understand it. Through not silt of his own, he's never really had the problem of being like this. Stuck between your past and future with no hope in either.

"Don't do it Abi." warns a voice behind me.

A gentle hand grabs my shoulder and I look up to see Loki, his eyes softer than usual and his face pale. Has he sleeping okay? He doesn't seem like himself recently.

"Do what?"

"Don't stop yourself from being happy because you think you don't deserve it." Loki's feet stumble as he takes a seat in the other side of me. Weird because I don't think I've seen him actually drink anything today. "Give yourself a chance. Before you end up like me." Frowning, I turn my face towards him. What does he mean like him? I'd give anything to live him life. He has his brother and mother with him. He's smart and funny, he has a future ready for him. One that looks much brighter than mine.
"Regretting not chasing after your happiness when you had the chance."

"Y-You found your happiness?" My words stumble from my mouth as I stare blankly at him. His eyes meet mine for a moment, a flicker of pain flashing over them before he looks away again. Why didn't he tell me?

"It's was always right in front of me. I was just too late to realise it."

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I agree with reindeer games." Tony lets out a sigh, pulling a odd face at the thought of agreeing with Loki. And as much as I hate to say it, maybe part of me agrees with him too.

Forcing a small smile on my face, I place my cup back down in the bar before grabbing my jacket from beneath me and shrugging it on. "So do I." I admit, smiling once more at the three of them before heading for the door and my future. After all, it's finally time for me to let go of the past and open myself up to the future.