Jake

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I wake up and cover my face with my hands and breathe.

Sam turns onto his side and murmurs something.

"Sam?"

He starts snoring quietly.

I take deep breathes and get up.

I grab one of Sams shirts, and head downstairs to the kitchen, grab a bottle of vodka and head up to the attic to make shit.

When I get bored, and the bottle is drained, I go back to bed.

Sam wakes up, "you smell like vodka..."

He turns around and nuzzles his face against my chest, "I was going to wear that shirt tomorrow..."
"Well I'm wearing it."
"You have about a billion other shirts and yet you keep wearing mine."
"Yeah, cause they smell like you."
"Well, i might start wearing your clothes soon, so ha."
"Cute."
"Can we have another kid?"
"Um... Sure."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, if you want to."

He hugs me, "I love you."...

Sam got dragged off to another country for business and I'm left to look after a child who doesn't even like me.

"Jake! You have to get ready for school!"
"NO!!"

He screeches at me and hits me.

"Do not hit me!! Get ready for school, right now!! If you are not ready in five minutes, then you are grounded for a month!!!"

I leave the room and go downstairs and put Jakes lunch together.

I then go back upstairs to jakes room and he's ready.

"Thank you. Now, go downstairs and wait for me by the front door."

He leaves the room and heads downstairs.

I follow and grab his lunch and we get into the car.

"Can we put the music on?"
"Fine. What do you want to listen to?"
"That different Language sounding music that dad always puts on."
"Different language sounding?"
"Yeah."

I carefully grab the music cassettes and hand a few to him, "which one?"
"That K, backwards N, H, O one."
"You like Russian Post-Punk? Kino?"
"Yeah... I think it's cool..."
"Huh."
"What's Post-Punk?"
"It's sort of like rock music."
"Oh. Cool."
"Yeah, that band is ancient. From the 1980's."
"Woah!"
"Yep. So, you want that on?"
"Yep."
"Okay."

I put the cassette in the player and press play.

Jake starts bobbing his head along, and gets annoyed when I pull up in front of the school.

I turn of the music and he sinks in his seat.

"Hey kid, what's wrong?"
"I don't like school..."
"Really? I haven't noticed."

I smirk.

He doesn't notice my sarcasm.

I lightly punch his arm, "hey kid, what's up?"
"I don't wanna go..."
"Why not?"

He undoes his seatbelt and gets out of the car and stands by the gate.

This is actually his fifth school this month. They keep kicking him out because he keeps getting into fights.

I grab his lunch box and follow him.

He shuffles his feet.

"Are you alright?"
"Im Just going to get kicked out again, and I pobab- prob-"
"Probably?"
"That Word. I,"
"Probably"
"Wouldn't have done anything."
"Okay. Do you want me to walk you to your first class? I used to go here."
"You did?"
"Yes. I wonder if im still on the leader board for highest grades... so, would you like me to walk you?"
"Okay."

I hang my arm down, "can you reach that?"

He tries and fails, and grabs my leg instead.

I walk him to his first lesson and hand him his lunch.

"I'm sorry for hitting you this morning."
"It's alright, my darling."

A teacher walks over, "is your son new here?"
"Yes."
"Has he been shown around?"
"I don't think so."
"Oh! Well, I'm sure I can show the two of you around!"
"I used to go here."
"Did you? I don't think I remember your face from here."
"Oh, you wouldn't, it was centuries ago."
"Ah, I see!"

"Mum!?"
"Yes dear?"
"How old are you!?"
"About... six hundred and one."
"WHAT!!!"
"I'm a night blood darling, night bloods pretty much live forever. But I, specifically, can't die."
"WOAH!! You're like some sort of immortal superhero!!"
"I've had a few epic battles in my time, and I'm sure we'd find a few on YouTube. Or at least, one. There seems to be a lot of random videos of me on the YouTube... and one of them, I am literally just buying bread! And another, was when Sam proposed to me at that cafe. That was really sweet."
"Woah!"

The teacher clears his throat, "come with me!"

We wander around, and he eventually stops at the leader board in the older kids area of the school.

I point to the top, "still the king! Ha!"

I pick up Jake and show him, "look!"

He pats the leader board, "ooh!"

Maybe this kid doesn't hate me.

"I know, right?"
"That is awesome!"

He smiles so wide and claps his hands happily...

I'm in an interview, and Jake is at home with Elliot, who's looking after him.

Me and Layla, the interview, we're talking about shoes for some reason, and I don't actually know how we got to that conversation.

"So, DayJay, I think that conversation has gone on long enough, don't you? Why don't we talk about something else? One of the most requested comments is for you to read out and react to comments on your Instagram, or tweets and things people have written about you."
"Okay."
"There's an envelope on the table with sheets of comments on them."

I open the envelope, "this should be fun."

I look at the words on the paper.

"Okay, uh..."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, just trying to work out what language this is..."
"It's in English."
"Oh, okay."

I get out my glasses and put them on.

"Y...y...o... y,o... I can't... wait, no, uh... Ooh, that's my name! Damien callas c... can... t... r.... o... oh, uh... r... re... a....d... r, e, a, d. Damien Callas can't read. I think that's what it says. I mean... technically it's true."

I laugh at myself and others laugh with me.

"I can't read English, that's for sure, but I'll try my best if it makes you laugh. Okay. My name again. Uh... it's an l word I think. Two o's and a... a stick with two little sticks sticking out of it and then a swirly letter."
"Looks?"
"Probably. L...I.... Ke... a.... C...a....r... no, t. Damien callas looks like a cat. Thank you, I'm charmed. It's one of my best features, actually. People like my cat eyes. Can we just have this printed in Russian?"....

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