Last × CTH

VII - NOT his Girlfriend

I was rigid in my seat for the whole time. Tense, nervous, a lot of things. I didn't let it show though, I pretended to listen intently to Miss Criss and even wrote down some of the key points she wants us to remember.

Calum's there, still staring at me. It's weird. He's weird. It's making me too uncomfortable.

I should be rejoicing with the attention he's giving me. But I just feel.. wrong. I mean, okay, he played a great part for the reason I came back but thinking about it now, I really would still come back here. This is my home. My one year stay in New York always felt like just vacation, not once have I thought of staying there for good.

Life there is crazy. I never even got to earn a lot of friends. Everyone else was busy climbing their own social ladder. Socializing felt like show. A publicity stunt, for higher sales for their parents' business empires. It felt awful. It felt fake.

I've never expected complications when I come back, I just planned explaining everything to Calum, the issue about my parents, and we'll be back together. But there's Cara, blowing everything out of proportion. Well, that and Calum's sudden change of...heart?

My thought process was cut off when Miss Criss said it's now time to confer with our partners. I really have to face him now.

Before he could speak of his crazy musings, I took control, "So, it seems we also have to meet like after classes for this."

His eyes lit up like I expected. He wants to be with me. Maybe. But not like this. Not the way I want him to.

"My place? After class?" his voice flows with the excitement he's feeling it's almost tangible, I can't help smile with him.

But I shake my head, "Nah, it may vary, I guess. Your place sometimes or my place," then I remembered my place, a nice hosue, with only a usually sleeping Michael in it, comfortable cushions and sofas and decent wifi and a food supply for a lifetime, "Oh, I think it's better if we're at my place."

"Want me to see your mansion?" he smirks bitterly, all traces of humor gone.

I mimicked his face, letting the bitterness see through, "So you think I've become that girl, huh? You never really known me then, Cal."

He was about to say something but I cut him off.

"No. Not there. I stay in a different house right now. It's nice and perfect."

"I've never really been to where you live, you know. All of this explains your refusal to me sending or walking you home back then," he says, lost in thought.

"It was the best for both of us," I know I've said this already but it's just the truth.

"You keep saying that, but I can't see how it was the best for me, it wrecked me, Cass!" he whisper-shouted, leaning into his desk, in effect bringing his scorching stare closer to mine.

"You don't know anything," my voice silent, willing him to see that I also suffered that time.

"So tell me," he gripped my hands, which were resting on the desk, his face growing desperate every second. "Tell me everything. I want to know."

This is not the right time nor the right place for this.

"It doesn't matter anymore, does it? You've moved on. I did. What good does digging up the past will do?"

He flinched for I pulled my hands away from his. My voice sharp and piercing, willing even myself to believe that I've moved on.

We were both silent for a while, slowly backing up tracks, pretending it never happened. I was the first to open up again. In my voice there was no trace of the pain I'm feeling. Pain from seeing him like this.