You Live And Learn

22 | pain

Pain.

That's the only emotion I can feel right now. The party events constantly replay in my head. I still can't fantom it. Today's Monday and I didn't go to school. I couldn't. I didn't have the strength nor the will to go to that place. It'll only remind me of her. Granted, she tried calling me a million times with no luck.

There's nothing to say anymore.

I hear a knock on my door then a gentle opening of my door. My mother opens it to see me sprawled on my bed, laying down on my stomach. She doesn't move an inch from the door.

"Hey, sweetie," she greets. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," I reply. That's a lie, and we both know it.

"Okay, I have to work a longer shift today, so I'll come back late. You're going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be good. Have a nice day at work."

"Thank you, love. I made your breakfast and lunch for you in the kitchen. You can eat it when you're ready."

"Thank you very much. I'll eat it shortly."

"Okay, bye. Love you," my mom reminds me. I told her I loved her back, and she exited, leaving me to be depressed by my lonesome.

I'm glad she didn't force me to go to school or something like that. I'm not ready to go back to that place. I know that the moment I go back, I'll be a laughingstock. Mitchell especially will be waiting for my return.

I sluggishly get up and make my way to the kitchen. I don't want to waste my mother's food. In her words, 'there could be children in Africa eating that.' It's delicious even though I have no taste right now. I was scrolling on IG when I got a notification. It says that I have a memory. I press the message, and it directs me to a picture.

It was Camille kissing me on the cheek when we went on a date.

Water started to drip onto my eggs. Oh wait, I'm crying. It's not the first time it has happened for the weekend.

A few hours pass. I'm playing 2K to numb the pain. I get a ping from my phone.

"Alonzo, we have to talk." I already know who it is, but I can't deal with it right now. It's too much.

Camille POV

Pain.

I hate myself so much right now for losing the only good thing I had in my life. And it's all my fault. All of my fucking fault. I miss him so much. I miss everything about him. The way he would be shocked at my absurd remarks. The way his eyes light up when he sees me. The little stares he would give me periodically when I wear something he likes.

All of that is now gone, and it's because of me. Alonzo probably resents me, hates me even.

"You lied to me."

I did lie to him, and it wasn't just any white lie. No, it was just that our entire relationship was based upon the fact that I wanted to get back with Mitchell. That scumbag, why did I even want to be with him? Oh right. Validation. I wanted to feel validated, and I got it from the worst person ever. Zo made me feel special in all the right ways. He's Mitchell polar opposite in every sense.

Shallow as it is, I went for Mitchell because of his stunning looks. Yet, I stayed with Alonzo for his spectacular personality. Plus, he's cute. I can tell I improved his life, just like he did with mine. He started using acne washes because of my suggestions. After a bit of my tutoring, he began to ace topics.

"Hey, did I get this right?" Zo asks me with a glint of hope in his eyes. After his 2nd try, he got it right. This math problem is a very complex question that took me 2 weeks to get, and he got it in twenty minutes. I stare at him for a minute and kiss him right there in the library. Of course, no one saw, we chose the back to study. I pull back, and he looks stunned, just like he always does.

"I guess that's the correct answer then," he laughs.

"Yes, babe, you did. You're so smart it's scary."

That random memory brings a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. If I'm not careful, I'll full out bawl my eyes out. It won't be the first time for the weekend, though, only like the fifth time. I didn't go to school today. I couldn't. There would be stares and gossip about what happened at the party. It pains me that I made Alonzo go through it as well. I've been holed up in my room all weekend. My mom understood it, so she stayed home today for me if I needed anything. But she can't help me with what I want.

I want him, and only him. But do he wishes for the same thing? I wouldn't want me either, after what I did. I know it hurts even more because Sophia told me that I should've come clean from the start. It probably would've saved us this dilemma we have right now. He's Alonzo, the most understanding person I know. Of course, he would be upset but eventually get over it. That would be our happy ever after.

Except, this is no fairy tale, and there's no such thing as happy ever after. He's not answering my calls, not replying to my texts, just shutting me out. And that scares the daylights out of me. Ugh, why didn't I just go for him in the first place? He caught my eye around a year ago, too.

It was at school, free period. Everyone was in the cafeteria, doing something stupid. But Alonzo was by himself, listening to music and reading a book. I knew right away what type of person he was. Never likes the spotlight on him and vibes on his own. He laughs to himself when if he reads something funny. Also, he was cute, a little rough over the edges, but cute. Alonzo didn't care what the world thought of him, and that was very refreshing to see.

That may have been the case, but he began to change. It was for the better, though. He started to dress better, look more handsome. With my help, he became a scholar right before college. If he had started any sooner, he would probably be on his way at an Ivy League college right about now. I was enjoying watching the man he was becoming. I loved every minute of it. He was literally glowing. It gave me peace that I was with a guy who would never hurt me, but I took it for granted.

Because I hurt him in return. He got jumped and heartbroken for my silly mistake. Taylor wouldn't give me any information, nor Leo. I have no idea how's he doing. He didn't post on his Snapchat story or anywhere else. Sophia hasn't heard anything from hin anything. I need to find out if he's okay.

I get dressed and grab my keys. I broke him, and it's my job to put him back together.

It's the least I can do for him.

A/N: First Camille POV, I think it was time for her to shine. Looks like both of them are going through it. If you liked this, kindly consider voting and sharing. Leave a comment about what you think. See you in the next one,

~Antor