You Live And Learn

24 | revival and redemption

It's Wednesday, and I haven't been to school yet. The fear of seeing everyone stare at me will make my skin crawl. But, I know that I can't hide forever. According to Taylor and Leo, Camille went back to school yesterday. I guess she's finally over it.

That's a good sign, right? It took her so long to go back to school because she was heartbroken over what happened. However, at the same time, she hasn't been trying to text or call me since Monday.  

My mind racing a mile per second, and it starts to give me a headache. I get up from my bed and go to the refrigerator to get something to drink. As I pass by the living room, Taylor and Leo play 2K. Since the incident, the guys have come by my house every day, generally after school. It has gotten to the point where my mom gave Tay a spare key. I'm grateful that they check up on me every day and that I have thoughtful friends.

A yawn escapes my lips as I open the fridge. I'm pouring a glass of apple juice when Taylor calls from the living room,

"I think it's time for you to come back to school, Zo." Immediately, I stop in my tracks, almost spilling my drink in the process. 

Go to school? Is this man out of his mind?  Since the party, I haven't reinstalled my social media because I'm afraid of what people have been texting me. If I can't handle it from a distance, what does he think will happen up close and personal?

"I don't think so, bro," I respond as I sit on the couch next to them. 

"Why not?" Leo asks as his eyes are glued to the TV screen. They are playing a close game and are tied at 79 in the third quarter. One of a group's collective talents is that we are excellent multitaskers. We can have a deep conversation while simultaneously doing some activity with minimal effort.

"I don't know. I'm just not ready." 

"What aren't you ready for?" Leo asks me another question. Since these are my close friends who I consider brothers, it's easy to be transparent with them.

"To be honest, just to see everyone's reaction to it. That night, I became a laughing stock. My girl and the origin of my relationship got exposed simultaneously, then I got jumped as well. I know people recorded the entire thing, and most know about it now. It just will make me feel miserable, in all honesty, knowing that all of these people know about it. Secretly in their head, they could be mocking or laughing at me."

After my long rant, Leo pauses the game and looks me in the eye. His sharp grey eyes are staring deep into my soul. His face went from anger to disappointment and then understanding in thirty-five seconds. 

"Bro, I feel you. I really do. I get what you're feeling, but you have to look at it this way," he puts the controller down on the coffee table and clasps his hands together. "You are only giving them, Mitchell specifically, more power. With you not there, they're laughing at you because you're showing weakness. You are giving them free rein to walk over you and make fun of you. And I can't sit as your brother from another mother and let you act like this. You are better than this, Alonzo. It's time for you to get back on your feet."

"He's right, Zo," Taylor chimes in, "it's time to move forward with your life. Are you really willing to let this small incident in high school define you forever?"

At this moment, everything came into my vision. My time with Camille, Mitchell being an asshole, getting beat up by him twice, everyone laughing and recording me at the party. 

I hate that feeling. I feel the rage building up in me. I won't go out like this, especially since it's my last year in high school. Some people would say to let it go. It's only high school. You'll get over it eventually. 

Screw that. If not now, then when will I change?

"Yeah, you're right, guys. One hundred percent. I've been letting this get into my head too much. It's time to take matters into my own hands."

"That's good, bro. Let's get it started. You're entrance tomorrow is going to be epic." 

With that, we start to plan for the day tomorrow. 

They barge into my room, examining my closet.

"Not gonna lie, Lonzo," Leo starts. "Your wardrobe is ass." Taylor laughs but nods his head in agreement. I sit on my bed and sigh,

"Yeah, I know. Is that an area I need to work on?" I ask them.

" Yes, definitely, other than your face, that is one of the first things people notice about you," He says as he shifts through all of my jackets and hoodies.

"Okay, so what do you recommend I do about it?"

"Just leave it to us. You're gonna look great tomorrow," Taylor responds. He sits down next to me and grabs my shoulder. "It's still early. Let's get you a haircut. We can't have you going back to school looking like you live underground with the Turtles."

"Ouch, that hurts." He stands up again.

"But did I lie tho?"

"I cannot deny the fact that you did not lie."

"Exactly, my good sir. Let's move."

   ***

 One hour later, after basketball stories in the barbershop and people trying to sell stuff, my hair is cut, and I must say, Taylor's barber is really the best. I never knew I could look this good. We walk out the door, and immediately, Tay slaps the back of my neck.

"I like your cut, G." He laughs.

Of course, it stings more than usual. I have to soothe my neck and apologize to it once more. "Why do we go through this every time? My neck doesn't deserve this bs."

"Shut up," he says as he gets into his car. Leo goes in the back, and I'm in the passenger seat. "It's the least you can let me do after I paid for your cut."

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks again." 

"Anytime, bro. We're trying to make you great."

We drive in silence for the remainder of the ride back to my house.  It feels peaceful, blasting music with my boys and the wind caressing my face. Somewhere deep inside me, I know the change is coming. I hate feeling sick, not wanting to eat, just everything about last week.  I can't live like this any longer. I'm actually excited to change. Taylor somehow senses this and punches my shoulder slightly, and grins. 

He parks the car at my house and smiles at me. 

"Zo, I've known you for a while now. However, I never got this vibe from you before. You were always the shy guy, just minding his own business. I was really shocked that you got Camille, but honestly, you deserved her, or so I thought." He pauses, and we both grimace as we remember what happened. "Now, though it's different. You're finally ready to change and I'm proud of you. Just know,," he points at Leo in the back, "we got your back always. The rest of the guys too, we're all rooting for you." 

Taylor's words hit deep. I'm incredibly grateful for these guys, and I'm lucky to have friends like these guys. His speech was almost enough to make a grown man cry.

"Thanks, bro, that means a lot. You don't even know."

"Of course. Now go get some beauty sleep. You're gonna need it." I dap both of them up then exit his car. He peels off as soon as the door is closed. I chuckle to myself. Typical Taylor behavior.

I open the front door and just take a second to gather my thoughts. However, one thought sticks out the most. I utter it out loud as if to confirm for myself,

"Never again, will I let something like this happen to me."