YUNGBLUD/One-shots

guilt

A/N- hope you enjoy, if any of you are struggling with this I'm sending my love. please vote🖤

t/w- ED/negative self image/emetaphobia
plot: Your boyfriend Dominic has been noticing you haven't been eating a lot recently and comforts you through it

y/ns pov:

I stare at my plate, but cant bring myself to eat any of it. The thought of food alone makes me feel sick. Dominic made me a sandwich and left for work, I'm surprised he hasn't noticed yet. I pick up the sandwich and attempt to take a small bite, i just break down in tears. Its scary when other people make you food, because you don't know how many calories are in it. You don't have control.

I pick up my plate and throw the food in the bin, thoughts race around my head.
go throw up.
Fat.
Ugly.
Invalid.
Dom wont like you if your fat.

I grab my headphones and blast some of Doms music to drown out the thoughts. I curl up in a ball on the sofa. Its awful how disgusting i feel in my own body.

Even when i do eat, I'm physically full but mentally unsatisfied. Then the binge eat starts. Working so hard not to eat all day, then giving in at 3am. Grabbing snacks and filling myself until i feel sick. Then the guilt starts.
fuck why did i eat all that food.
Throw up!
Throw up!
Throw up!
It's exhausting.

I'm playing the music so loud i don't notice the front door open and Dominic walk in. I feel a tap on the leg and i jump out my skin
"Fucking hell Dominic!" I jump.
"y/n.. whats wrong?" He asks wiping my cheek. I hadn't even noticed the tears fall. I guess all those thoughts really triggered me.

"nothing Dom I'm fine." i wipe the rest of my tears away as if they were never there. He wraps me in a hug "if you ever need to talk love, ya know I'm here for ya. always." Dom says. I wish i could tell him everything but he would think I'm weak.

Dom goes into the kitchen and sees my untouched sandwich in the bin. I didn't realise he saw. He comes back into the living room and sits down next to me. "what do you want for dinner? thought id call off work and eat with you tonight."

Doms pov:

Ive noticed Y/n loosing a scary amount of weight recently, i didn't bring it up though because i wasn't sure. Seeing her untouched sandwich in the bin confirmed my thoughts. She is so perfect. I hate that she doesn't see herself how i see her. When i suggest we have dinner together i feel her body tense. My poor darlin.

"what do ya fancy?" I ask.
"erm I'm not really hungry right now." She replies unsure herself.
"well why don't we have your favourite pasta that i used to make." I encourage her with a smile. Eventually she realises shes not getting out of it and agrees to dinner.

I grab all the ingredients out and begin to make dinner. She just sits at the table, i can see from a distance that shes shaking at the sight of food. Bless her.

Soon enough dinner is ready and i bring over her plate. "here you are darlin'." I sit down opposite her and she just stares at the food.
"Dom i really appreciate this but i'm really not hungry." She says with a guilty look. I know I'm going to have to bring it up.

I take a deep breath. "y/n love. Ive noticed you haven't been eating a lot recently." I see her face drop and tears flood her eyes. "oh darlin. You don't have to explain if you don't want to, could you just try eating a little bit? I'll make you whatever you want." I place my hand on her shaking leg.

"Dom just the sight of food makes me feel so sick." Her frail voice cracks.
"why's that love." I reply in a comforting voice.
"i feel disgusting." She cries. I wrap her in a hug and say reassuring things in her ear, i don't want to push it.

"can i just have a piece of toast?" She questions waiting for me to judge her. To her surprise i answer "yes of course love." I immediately get up and make her some toast. "do ya want anything on it?" She shakes her head.

I pass her her toast "here you go sweetheart."
After a few minutes she picks up the piece of toast and takes a small bite.
"Im so proud of you." I smile at her. With my encouragement she manages to eat almost all of it.
"Dom i think I'm gonna throw up." She looks at me nervously before rushing to the bathroom. I follow behind her quickly.

She gags over the toilet bowl but nothing comes up. I think she was just nervous and eating made her feel sick. I rub her back "i really am proud of you." I smile.
"you don't think I'm pathetic and fat?" She asks a stupid question.
"oh for fooks sake y/n. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I love you with my whole fookin heart!" I say immediately.
She just smiles softly, i think she'll be okay.