The Forgotten Goddess

I Thought You Were Dead

TW: talk of torture, rape, and SH

"Now I'd best be off. I owe the others an explanation, and Bucky owes me one."

1st Person POV (Alexandrya)

"JAMES BARNES!" My shout echoed over to the people still gathered. I walked towards him, holding back tears. I saw some man with wings leaned over to him and said

"Oooooo, what'd you do to piss off her?" I watched Bucky roll his eyes and go to say something back, but I cut him off.

"You do NOT get to leave a conversation like that. You need to own up to your mistakes."

"I'm sorry, doll. I really am."

"Sorry? SORRY?! YOU LEFT ME! You promised you wouldn't leave me. You promised we would be there for each other. AND YOU LEFT ME! I WENT CRAZY!" I couldn't control the tears streaming down my face now. I looked him dead in the eye and said

"One mark for every witness. Do you remember that?" His face paled.

"Yeah." 

"Before cryo, I was at fifty. Now," I lifted the back of my shirt, not quite revealing the brand, but revealing all the new burn marks, and said "I'm at one hundred. ONE HUNDRED! Not every mission had children. I stopped caring, James." He lowered his head when I called him James.

"I thought you were dead. They told me you were dead. You were the only thing keeping me sane there." I took my gloves off, revealing my wrists. Pale pink scars littered them, faded white ones still visible underneath.

"I just wanted to be with the people I loved again. I thought I could end it. I thought about it every time I went on a mission, but I couldn't. I told myself you wouldn't be proud. My mom wouldn't be proud. Neveah wouldn't be proud. Every scar represents a person I killed." I then pointed to three fresh-looking ones on my shoulder. 

"Every day I re-opened these. This one represents my mother," I pointed to the biggest one, "this one is Neveah," the smallest one, "and this one was you." I said pointing to the last one. 

"I thought they killed you because of me. Because I was helping you. I THOUGHT IT WAS MY FAULT! I THOUGHT I KILLED SOMEONE ELSE I LOVE! First my mother, then Neveah, then my father, then you. I needed you. You said you wouldn't leave me." I broke down crying, I fell to my knees and sobbed into my hands.

"I'm so so sorry, doll. I know sorry can't fix it. I did go back. After Shuri helped me I went back, but the base we were at was empty. I saw you when they took me out of cryo. I'll never forgive myself for what they did to you." He just held me and I held him as we both cried.

The blonde man, who I guess is Steve, walked over to us. I smiled up at him,

"What happened to Steve?" I asked teasingly. He laughed

"I joined the army." He said with a smile in his eyes.

"I never got to thank you for that day. I appreciate the help." Steve just smiled at me.

"Not to break up your little reunion or whatever, but I believe you owe us all an explanation." It was the man with the metal suit.

"O-oh, I s-suppose I do." I looked at the ground. "W-well, let's s-start at the v-very b-beginning." Two arms pulled me into a warm embrace. 

"We already told them of what happened to you on Asgard, Lex." Thor said as he held me. 

"O-okay. Regardless, y-you should all s-sit down. It's a long story." Thor sat on my right, Loki on my left. I saw Bucky pull Steve close and noted that they were holding hands. Giving a small smile at the two, I looked back at the circle. My brothers on either side of me, I felt a surge of confidence. Taking a deep breath, I began my tale.