The True Saint

Hope & Fear

Alina's POV

ᗯᕼEᑎ I ᗯᗩKE ᑌᑭ, the morning sunlight beams on my face. The Darkling is not beside me when I wake up; he must have had something to do. My eyes are swollen from weeping all night and my body feels unhealthily fatigued. I am fighting the need for sleep with all of my willpower. My dreams replay Mal dying whenever I close my eyes. I watch him get cut open by the Darkling over and over again. I need to get up.

I slip out from under the covers and walk over to the balcony connected to the Darkling's room. The sun is starting to peek out from the mountains, making the sky pink, orange, yellow, and purple. I always loved watching the sunrises. Mal never saw the point of me getting up early to see them. He would tell me, "every day, it's just the same sunrise". He didn't get why I watched it each morning until it faded into the blue sky.

"You should be in bed." I jump when I hear the Darkling's deep voice behind me. He is leaning on the outside wall on the balcony, observing me. How long has he been there?

"I couldn't sleep," I tell him.

"I used to watch the sunrise with Luda every morning. We told each other that it was a symbol for the beginning of a new day to change the world for Grisha. Back then, Grisha we're still getting executed in mass amounts simply for being Grisha," he trails off in his thoughts.

"Who is Luda?"

The Darkling pauses for a moment as if he forgot that he mentioned it. "Luda was a healer... and my first love."

I am hesitant to ask my next question, but I do anyway. "What happened to her?"

The Darkling gives a soft sigh as he answers, "she was killed by the king's men because of me. I won a war with Grisha and in doing so, started a war on our kind."

His voice sounds strangely gentle as if he was conversing with a toddler. It is hard to think about the Darkling being heartbroken and mournful just as I am now. Maybe he does have a heart.

We stand out in the brisk morning air until the bright, warm colors of the sky fade into a solid blue.

"I assume you found Nikolai. Did you kill him too, just as you did Mal?"

"I didn't want to kill Mal, I-" the Darkling lets out a frustrated sigh. "Yes. Nikolai was found hiding in a stable after the guards chased him out of the courtyard. He had set off a small explosive, but I assume you already knew about that. He is being kept in a cellar, as he is being charged for acts of endangerment and treason against the crown.

"You can't keep me away from Nikolai. I will find him, you know."

"I know," the Darkling replies. We stand on the balcony in bitter silence, watching the sun rise above the mountains.

I interrupt the stillness of dawn by asking a question that has been bothering me since the incident. "How did you know I was in the library?"

"When you touched the book of Merzost, it called to you, didn't it?"

"How did you know-"

"-it called to me too from where I was. I felt its' pull and knew exactly where you were. That's why I keep it hidden, for both of our sakes. Like calls to like; Merzost draws in powerful Grisha such as Summoners. The more powerful the victim, the more it can take as it feeds off of our vitality. I came running into the library because I didn't want you to have the same fate as me, consumed by Merzost. You have no idea how close you were to being destroyed from it, do you?"

"I was fine."

"Your veins were glowing white and the heat that was radiating off of your skin nearly disintegrated you."

"You just don't want me to become more powerful than you to destroy you. I could have handled Merzost and controlled it."

"Follow me," the Darkling grabs my wrist and pulls me from the balcony and into the bedroom. I try to resist but his grip is too tight as he yanks me across the hallway until we arrive at the library. He let go of my arm before placing a hand on my back leading me inside and to the hidden door. The cabinet is still slid away and the door is pushed slightly ajar. When he opens the door, revealing the room, my mouth falls open in astonishment.

The wooden table that was in the middle of the room is flipped against the wall. In the center, where I was standing while holding the book, the floor is charred. It extends up the walls and to the ceiling. The cement walls are cracked with pieces that have fallen off. I walk into the room in disbelief. The black, burnt floor crackles beneath my feet. I nearly faint when I notice the blood staining the entrance.

"I did this?" I say breathlessly.

"Merzost caused this. And according to the mile-wide explosion outside that you caused after you learned of the tracker's death, it is still in your system."

"I thought I had to read the incantations in the book. I didn't even open it. I just touched it."

"Merzost finds ways to infect your mind without completing the incantation. If you had opened the cover and read the utterances, it would have incinerated you and everyone in the palace. This light was not summoned from the atmosphere; it was created, which makes it unpredictable and unstable."

I felt sick. At the cost of killing the Darkling, I would have killed hundreds of other innocent people. This has always been the reason why I want to defeat the Darkling. He does not care who is in his path of devastation as long as he gets what he wants.

"How did you survive then? You created the Nichevo'ya with Merzost."

"I have lived five more lives than that of a mortal. My vitality was gone before I used it. Merzost gave more than it took from me. You, however, are still in your first century of life; full of youth and vitality. Merzost would gain more than it gives from a young immortal like you. You were closer to giving up your gift than you realize."

"It is rarely a gift."

The Darkling steps closer to me in quick intimidating strides. I back up against the wall as he steps closer. His gaze feels suffocating. "Why were you chosen to have this power, Solnishka?"

I stare at him, unsure of how to answer. With one more step, now he is towering over me. I can feel his breath on my ear as he leans close to me. "We were both given this gift, my Sun Saint. You were made to be my balance; darkness and light. You are the public's vision of hope while I am their fear that keeps the Grisha safe."

His tone of voice is aggressive, but his eyes reveal a different, more affectionate emotion. The way he looks at me both intrigues and scares me. He hurt me once before and I can't fall back into his trap of power. "Well, I should get you back to Lily to get you dressed. We still have a wedding to plan."

"Don't you mean Genya? She is my primary Tailor."

"Genya is busy being questioned by Ivan. Lily will be your tailor until Genya cooperates."

"She had nothing to do with my plan," I quickly retort.

"I beg to differ," he says coldly before taking my hand in his and directing me back to his bedroom. Lily and Coraline are waiting for me when I arrive.