Devotion (#1) | ✓

33. Visceral Reaction

"Do you really think a party is a good idea, mama?" Adriano questions as he munches on a box of dry cereal, feet propped up on the table in front of us.

Farrah is lounging in the pool, her head propped up on her fists as she stares in the direction of where I'm seated. I smile at my phone, pictures of her glowing skin after she asked me to take them displayed proudly.

I've never met a woman so beautiful, both inside and out.

Adriano's question is met with a slap to his forearm — by none other than Angel himself.

"Mama wants a party, we give her a party." He says. A small chuckle escapes me and I shake my head. Turning away, I stand and make my way to Farrah who follows my movements.

I crouch in front of her, grip her chin and kiss her lightly, "I love you."

A smile grows on her face, "I love you too." Just as she's about to say something else, her phone rings and she rolls her eyes, "What about today says 'Let's harass Farrah today'?" Considering this is the fourth time it's rung in the span of thirty minutes, I chuckle and hand it to her from the table I was just sitting.

She presses the green button and holds it to her ear, "Hello?" A pause. Her eyes widen and she pulls it away and mutes herself. "It's my boss."

I make a quick escape to the inside of the house, the Santino family watching as I walk off in a frenzy, my ear being blown off by the person that employs me.

As embarrassing as it sounds, I was just more annoyed than anything. Of course I told her about my break from work — matter of fact, she's the one that encouraged taking the break.

Of course she would be the one to say it in front of supervisors but get mad about it when I actually take it. I assume she expected me to work in the hospital through the most grievous time of my life.

I couldn't be there in that space of death and depression anymore, believe it or not.

"Lina, you approved my break time." I retort, feeling my blood pressure rise. My head falls back to stare up at the chandelier above me — maybe Sia had the right idea to swing from it.

"I need you at the hospital tonight, Farrah. You're taking advantage of your grievance break when you could be working."

"Excuse me?" I question, my tone one of disbelief.

"You don't need a break, Farrah." She continues, "You're fine. Just get over it."

Tears gather in my eyes as I think about stepping foot back in that hospital any time soon. Shit, I'd rather transfer regions than step in that ward and think about that room and that girl and how that girl laid in that room. Lifeless.

"I'm not fine." My voice cracks as I try to fight the tears. "And that narrative where I can just 'get over it' is pushing me one step closer to quitting. I don't want to be in an environment where my feelings are just disregarded and eventually, I'm holding everything in to the point where I can't breathe without wanting to give up. I requested my time off. You granted me time off for a maximum of a month. It hasn't been a month. I need time."

Before she can retort in her typical Lina fashion, I hang up and throw my phone on the island. I hunch forward and feel as tears leave my eyes. Why am I crying?

Maybe it's the fact that this rushing to put me back into the thick of things sets off a visceral reaction within me.

I just want to do away with this shit, but I can't. I've put my blood, sweat, and tears into what I do — I won't let this destroy me.

Not completely, at least.

I hear a cupboard opening, something being dragged along wood for a brief second, glasses clinking, one placed in front of me.

I glance up with teary eyes. It's Luca, standing across from me with a bottle of MacAllan and his head tilted. The nonchalance in his stance contrasts heavily against the concern in his eyes.

I now notice the slit in his thick yet perfectly shaped eyebrows. Martina really did her thing when it comes to her kids.

"Good?" The lack of the 'You' in his question sets me off for some reason. My mouth twists and I nod, my head bowing yet again as I try to keep the tears away. Without another word, he pops the top off and pours me a glass.

"Thank you."

He hums, eyes scanning my face, concern deep in his gaze. He opens his mouth as if he's about to say something but he pauses. I take a sip of my drink, not even bothering to question it.

And then he speaks, "It gets better." That's when I know he heard everything. "Give it time."

I make the choice to believe him.

y'all, i am so sorry for leaving y'all hanging 😭 so much has been happening