I Don't Want To Go Back

Prologue

Prologue

Even before I met him, I am strong. I don't depend on someone. I grew up alone, with a busy Mom. I never knew I would fall for love. I never wanted. Never. But it somehow changed when I met this guy named, Kylo.

Who would have thought na I would enter a freaking relationship? Even my mom can't force me to be in a relationship.

It's all happy and good not until one day. He doesn't love me anymore.. maybe nagising nalang siya isang araw hindi na niya ako mahal. I don't know, and I don't want to know why and how that happened. Para ko nalang din dinagdagan ng baga ang nagliliyab na apoy.. apoy ng sakit.

Ayos na sana.. ano pa nga ba ang dapat kong gawin, e 'di tanggapin nalang. Not until he left a remembrance. A precious one.

"Come here, Tati baby." I called her. She giggled as she step-by-step walk towards me. Her walk, even if it's slow and careful I waited for her. Bantay ko ang bawat tapak ng talampakan niya para kung sakaling na-out of balance niya ay mabilis ko siyang masasalo.

But she made it.

She immediately hugged my neck and giggled together with me.

My two year old daughter, Tati. She's adorable and pretty, and sweet. She resemblance of her father.. a lot. Sadly, he can't be with us. She looks like Klayre. Sabi ko noon copy and paste ni Klayre ang mukha ni Kylo, at paano pa kapag nagka anak siya. And look what we have here, so much of him.

"Let Mommy see Tati's teeth," I smiled, widely at her.

She again, giggled. "Ta..ti, teeth." Patugma-tugmang saad niya.

"Yes, Tati's teeth. Say "ih"." Sinabayan niya ako para maibuka ang mouth niya at ipakita sa akin ang maliliit at mapuputi niyang ipin.

"Okay, no chocolates on teeth. Good girl, Tati!" I cheered her up. She, again giggled and throw herself on me to hug me tight.

I laughed and carried her to our walking closet to dress her. I made her choose what she wants to wear and she picked the lavender dress.

Sunod akong nag ayos habang nanonood si Tati sa salas ng condo ko. I just wore a purple dress same as what Tati's wearing, may kaibahan lang ng kaunti ang design ng sa akin. I just put some red lipstick on my lips and powder for my face. Then, sprayed perfume on my wrist and neck.

"Let's go, Tati." She immediately climb down the sofa and went to me. I switched the TV off before carrying Tati.

We went out of the unit and rode the elevator. After exiting the building we waited for the car i booked earlier for today. Kikitain lang namin si Dana sa Mall, and hindi ko na alam kung saan pa pupunta. Baka kumain lang kami and tumambay kung saan.

Tati prefer to be with me only all the time, or with Dana and Red; kapag I have work. She doesn't want people around her, if she don't have any choice to be with people, natutulog nalang siya. If ever naman she's required to talk or to socialize with other people she knew, she will. Lalo na kapag birthday niya. 

Ang pagiging mahiyain niya ay paniguradong nakuha niya sa amin ng tatay niya.

I let Tati sit first inside the car I booked, before I went in beside her. Wala pang ilang minutong nasa byahe ay nagpakarga na siya. I carried her and played with her hands, dahil kung hindi ay makakatuloy siya along the ride. I don't want that to happen, dahil ayaw ko na siyang gisingin kapag nakatulog siya.

We reached the final destination, the Mall. Nagpababa na siya nang makapasok sa Mall at alam niya na rin kung saan kami pupunta, Starbucks.

"'Nang!" tawag niya sa Ninang niyang naka-upo sa loob ng coffee shop.

I held my daughter's little hand as we enter the coffee shop. "Tati!" Dana squealed as she stood up from her seat and went to welcome Tati in her arms.

While they're having their Tati-Ninang time, I went to the cashier and ordered my drink. After paying I walked to Dana's table and sat. Tati is talking about her teeth to Dana, mukha namang tanga sa kaka-Wow si Dana dahil maputi ang ipin ng bata.

My order arrived, "Tara na, huy." Tawag ko kay Dana. Kanina pa siya rito nagkakape, isang cup nalang yata mamamatay na siya sa sobrang kaadikan niya sa kape.

Siya ang kumarga kay Tati habang lumalabas kami ng Mall. Sinundo lang talaga namin siya dahil ayaw niya raw maghintay sa labas dahil mainit.

May kinakain kaming favourite restaurant ni Tati, at nasa labas pa iyon ng Mall. Kaya ro'n kami pupunta.

I was about to sip on my cup of coffee when Tati wants to walk. Dana obliged and let Tati walk. But my eyes widen and my lips parted in shock when she suddenly ran away, she pulled her hand away from Dana's grip! We're in the side of a freaking rode! I almost threw the cup of coffee as I ran to get my daughter because I saw an approaching car.

My heart beat faster than its normal phase. All I can hear was my heart beat and the car's loud and long horn.

I pulled Tati's arm and carried her. I hugged my daughter's body as I waited for a painful hit. But there's nothing.

I looked at the car, and a guy went out of it. My world suddenly stopped spinning when I saw who it was.

I wanted to run.

I wanted to hide.

My body was too stunned to run away. My heart is aching. My mind is blank.

The guy I used to love was here.. in front of me. He's looking at me like he.. doesn't know me. That he already forget who I am. That he never loved me. That four years of being together is just like a blank page of paper to him.. that anytime, he can torn it and put it in the trash.

It hurts again. The pain never go away, but I can put it aside for the meantime.. not until at this moment.. that the man I loved the most yet caused a lot of damage into my life was right in front of me.

"Miss, is everything alright?" He was worried, looking through my eyes. He wasn't even shock to see me. "We could go to the Hospital if you want, just tell please?" He worriedly said, yet it's different.

His face looks the same. His voice sounds the same. His feature.. he's still the same amazing man I knew. But there's something in him that changed throughout the years he was gone.

I looked straight on his eyes. Those eyes I used to admired and love. Those transparent eyes I used to read every time I had the chance to do so. But now.. it's blank. I can't see the spark on it just like before. I can't read it. Something in him changed, really.

And the worst part was that.. he couldn't recognize me... or he do but he's doing what he said before when he was breaking up with me; that if ever we will had the chance to meet again ... he will pretend that he doesn't know. He asked me to pretend as if we're just strangers to each other.

Akala ko hindi niya kaya 'yon. Hindi niya 'ko kayang tingnan na para bang hindi kami nagkasama ng ilang taon. But look at him right now. His eyes didn't even recognize me. But... what about his heart? Does it really stopped beating for my name?