I Don't Want To Go Back

21

"May nangyari na ba sa inyo?"

My eyes widen when I heard that question from Dana.

"Gago ka ba?" I asked her back with my wide eyes.

"I was just asking ..." she whispered as if her question was nothing. "so ano nga?"

I gave her a disgust look, "duh wala 'no."

"Bakit wala pa?" WHAT?

"Bunganga mo talaga." I turned my swivel chair to ignore him and just continued making a report for my patient.

"Be open-minded, Sy!"

I looked at my pc with my forehead creased. "It's not a normal topic, Dana!"

"Right. Tinatanong lang e."

I ignored her and tried to focus on what I am doing.

But thinking of what Dana asked .. wala talaga. I don't know if it's a normal thing for a relationship. Like, to be sexually active? I don't think so, hindi naman ro'n umiikot ang isang relas'yon. I admit that I have some idea about it, but not much.

'Tsaka marami pa kaming gustong gawin ni Kylo, together or us being individual.

"If you're thinking getting pregnant, duh! Uso naman na ang condom. Mag-pills ka!" she added. Hindi ba titigil 'to?

"Don't fill my ears and mind with those information I don't even need." I turned her down and keep myself busy with what I should do.

* * *

Few days passed, while I continued my internship, Mom also continued her medication at the Hospital. Also the tests they want and have to do.

Earlier, Manay Rosie called me that Mom's doctor had to say something to us. Kaagad akong nagpunta sa ospital at kinausap ang doctor niya.

"What is it, doc?" right away after my intern duty, I went here sa hospital to know how's Mom's condition going.

"Unfortunately, your Mom has Alzheimer's disease."

At that moment, I felt something broke inside me. The realizations hit me. The days when Mom feels like stranger to me, so she acts like I am to her. 'Yung mga bagay na nakakalimutan niya kahit siya naman mismo amg naglagay no'n doon.

I already had some ideas na meron nga siya nito. Pero I still don't get it, why my Mom?

Doctors said she had to undergo treatment for pneumonia, para hindi na mas lumala pa ang complications. Pero as of now wala pang treatment for Alzheimer's. We just have to be patient daw sabi ni Doc, dahil kung nahihirapan kaming tanggapin 'yung sitwasyon mas lalo 'yung pasyente.

So I had to accept it. I had to accept that when the time comes, makakalimutan ako ni Mommy. I wanted to me selfish and ask Mom to forget everyone but not me. I only have her. I don't have a Dad .. tapos kakalimutan pa niya 'ko?

With my busy and tiring schedule I still do visit Mom sa hospital. Kasi sabi ni Manay Rosie she always look for me.

I duty from 7 in the morning and off duty at 7PM to 10PM if marami pang ginagawa sa lab. I'm still an intern, and yet I already feel how tiring this job is. I chose this, I want this, kaya kakayanin ko. I was just starting, wala pa sa katotohanan.

I feel tiredness, lalo na kapag night shift. Alam mo 'yung pagod na hahaluan pa ng pagkaantok, tapos isipin- it's draining. But as long us these people around me are all there to welcome me with a wide arm after my shift, hindi ko na rin mas'yadong iniinda ang pagod.