I Don't Want To Go Back

29

I was stunned but I'm sure Kylo was more than stunned after hearing that from Tati. I didn't urge to turned around to check if he's stunned or whatever. I just walked away as fast as I can while holding Tati in my arms.

I don't know if it is the first Tati called Kylo "daddy" in front of him, either way I know Kylo is now confused. And I am scared. Bahala na siya kung ano mang gusto niyang isipin.

We went home that day. Still, I feel like lumulutang ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin kong isipin- 'yun bang muntikan nang mawala si Tati o 'yung pagtawag niya kay Kylo ng "daddy"?

Days after days passed was so quite for our life. Hindi na umiiyak si Tati kapag iniiwan ko siya kay Dana. Hindi ko na rin masiyadong iniisip 'yung pagtawag ni Tati kay Kylo ng "daddy", masiyado akong busy sa trabaho at pagaalaga kay Tati para idagdag pa 'yun sa isipin ko. Hindi na rin naman kami nagkaro'n ng interaks'yon matapos 'yung huli.

I was preparing for a patient's result, at p'wede nang ipabasa sa doktor nito nang bigla akong lapitan ni Rhoana- my workmate.

"May pa-party raw si Sir Jayce next week, Sy ah. Sama ka." she said.

"Bakit, anong meron?" I said without looking at her because I was busy re-reading the laboratory result.

"Birthday niya yata?"

"'Di ka pa sure ah." I chuckled.

"Hindi nga, basta ang pagkakarinig ko libre raw 'tsaka allowed lahat ng lab department."

"Busy ako eh, hindi ako sasama." I closed the folder and looked at her.

"Ay corny! Minsan lang naman, loosen up a bit Sy! Puro ka trabaho."

"May anak ako, Rhoa."

"Ba't kasi 'di mo kuhanan ng yaya para makapag-saya ka naman." She even suggested.

"Kukuha ako tapos ikaw nagpa-sweldo, ano deal?"

She scoffed, "'Wag na uy."

"See." I shook my head and went back from working.

6PM na onti nalang makakauwi na ako. I always look forward in going home, because going home means being with my Tati.

Speaking of getting a yaya for Tati, I just don't want somebody else to take care of my child aside from me and Dana or someone na malapit sa akin. Mahirap na kasi magtiwala sa pahanahon ngayon, kaya as long as I could and Dana's still here to take care of Tati, hindi ako kukuha ng yaya.

Pero come to think of it, masiyado na 'kong nagiging pabigat kay Dana, hindi ba? Hindi ba binibigyan ko siya ng responsibilidad? Minsan nahihiya na rin ako, pero I have no choice. Ayos naman sa kaniya pero nahihiya rin ako minsan.

Pagiisipan ko nalang muna kung kukuhanan ko ba si Tati ng magaalaga sa kaniya.

"Sy," I was just resting dahil kakatapos langNg shift ko nang tawagin ako ni Jayce.

I turned my head to look at him. "Yes?"

He smiled and sat beside me. We're here at the hallway sitting on the waiting area wherein there's some steel benches.

"I will throw a party for everyone next week night, would you come?" he asked.

I quickly shook my head, "I can't. Walang bantay si Tati atsaka alam mo naman, I want to be hands-on."

"Nandiyan naman si Dana,"

"I can't just leave my child to Dana, Jayce. May buhay rin 'yun, 'tsaka may asawa. Nahihiya na nga 'ko minsan."

"If you want I can suggest someone that could take care of Tati even for some sort of hours only."

I shook my head again, "I don't want to leave Tati to somebody else except me and Dana."