I Don't Want To Go Back

24

Ang wakas - Arthur Miguel

Falling out of love. Is that even really possible? Like, you've been together for so long and you will wake up the next day to say you fall out of love? How's that possible?

I get to question everything. I am so confused.

Last day, we're in love. Then the next day, it suddenly changed. Why?

That day, when I had the chance to visit him at their firm- to vent out, to rant. Gusto ko lang magsumbong, to think that he'll be the perfect person that I could lean on at that fucked up moment of my life. That moment when I feel like I have no one, just him. Gusto ko lang umiyak habang nasa bisig niya nang mga oras na 'yun, but he fucking pushed me away told me that he was busy and wanted me to go home instead.

He never treated me that way, just for once I felt how cold he was. Like, he woke up one day, he felt nothing towards me already.

I almost shiver in my thoughts after realizing how cold he made me feel.

I never expected that. Sinanay niya akong nandiyan palagi para sa akin, it was so disappointing that he made me feel that way.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard my phone rang. My eyes widen when I saw who's calling. It was Kylo.

I was about to get my phone but I suddenly remembered the way he pushed me away and never even ask what's my problem that day, in fact that it's really visible through my face and my eyes that I am devastated that day. It was hell day for me and he didn't even notice? Or he just ignored it.

My face furrowed and ignored that call.

Narindi ako kaya dineclined ko na.

I continued watching a Korean drama even if I don't really get to focus myself on the whole drama. I just want to watch to stop overthinking about almost everything in this fucked up world.

Natawag muli ang akin pansin nang mag-ring nanaman ang phone ko with Kylo's call.

Labag man sa loob dahil sa sama ng loob na ipinaramdam niya sa akin, he's still my boyfriend and as I girlfriend I still want to know what's up with him. O kami pa nga ba?

Two days left after that "day" he didn't ask how am I and what made me go to their firm out of a sudden, and ngayon lang siya nagparamdam. Nakakapagtaka 'di ba? Naumpog ba ang ulo niya at natauhang sobrang sakit nang ipinaramdam niya sa akin last time kaya siya tumatawag?

What it is anyways, I answered the call and didn't talk. I just listen to what he's gonna say.

I was about to drop the call because the other line is quite, ayaw kong makipagusap sa hangin- but then I heard a little voice on the other line that made me stiff for a moment.

I took a large gulp, trying to process who's this one on the phone.

"H-hi, baby. W-what is it?" I shuttered and shaking right now. Napaupo rin ako nang maayos sa sofa na kaninang tamad na tamad na naka-salampak matapos marinig kung sino ang nasa kabilang linya.

"How are you, Ate Sy?" her cute little voice made me want to tear up, but I had to stop it.

"I'm fine, Klayre baby. What about you? And .. what makes you call?" I calmed myself dahil si Klayre lang naman ito.