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"Josephine!"
there she is, laying in her bed, crying again the living out of her. she was sobbing and it was hard to catch her breath
"come on, baby. lunch's ready" her room's door opened reviling her mother "come on, baby" monica said until she noticed her daughter crying on her bed "oh, honey"
natalia lied beside jo and hugged her "everything it's gonna be okay" monica whispered
"honey, why don't you come down?" charles asked entering the room until he noticed the two blondes laying on the bed.
so, in the last two weeks a lot of things changed.
first of all, apparently in the six years when monica was away from the outer banks, she met a man. his name was charles and he was a widow. the two adopted a black baby boy, liam who is now 3 year old. two years ago monica married charles, making him jo's step-father. so now the five hughes siblings were leaving with their mother in a big white house in figure eight.
jo went from being beat up everyday from her abusive father in the cut to living in figure eight with six sibling and two happy parents. she should be happy, well, she was everything but happy.
charles lied on the bed and hugged jo too. it wasn't the first time that this happened. jo cried everyday, for hours and nobody noticed it because she just locked herself in her room. everything was too hard for her right now.
"hey, honey" monica whispered "can we go down stairs and eat something? it's gonna make you feel better"
"your mom made borscht" charles said trying to make jo smile
"i'll come eat, just because it's borscht" jo said and the three got up, went down stairs and eat monica's masterpiece.
the new andrews family was now cleaning the kitchen when someone knocked on the door "i'll get it" jo ran to the door, leaving a plat into the sink
jo opened the door and kiara stood in front of her "hi, dolphin"
"hi, kie. how you doin'?" jo forced herself to not ran back to her room and lock her door until she died. jo haven't been hanging out with the remaining pogues for the last week, they went to her house everyday but monica, charles or her sibling just said that she wasn't feeling good and that she would have call when she was ready but they tried everyday, especially kie
"how's there, honey?" charles yelled from the kitchen
"it's kiara"
monica walked towards jo but stood away from her while drying a glass "if jj's there you're not going"
jo looked at kie, questioning "he's in the car" kie said and then looked straight at monica "please, we need to do something for john b and sarah. please, mrs dmitrova"
monica resisted even though she knew jo was able to handle jj after what happened
"come on, mon, let her go. she is able to handle jj, right honey?" charles stepped in
"yes, i can" jo took a step to stand in front of her mother "mom, i'll be fine. let me go" jo said even though she didn't want to go and face jj, not after that fight, not after all the tears and screams
monica rolled her eyes "fine"
"thank you so much, mrs. dmitrova" kie said smiling
"let me just go to the bathroom one sec" jo said and ran to her room and into her bathroom. she opened the little drawer and took out her pills. since sarah and john b died she began taking antidepressants that she bought from barry and no one knew. it was hard. too hard.
•••
the four pogues were now at the château and they all stood there while pope carved a heart out of a three. jj engraved inside the heart the year of birth and the year of death of john b, with his name and P4L.
"to john b" jj said raising his flask
kie looked from the box she had in her hands to jj "and sarah"
jo looked at her friends and she couldn't take it. when she felt a panic attack slowly raise in her lungs when jj began to write P4L, she fought she could handle it, she fought she could fight it but she couldn't.
jo began to walk fast to the château with her hand over her chest, trying to catch her breath.
jj took a step to follow her but kiara stopped him "i don't think you should go" she told him
"do you know how to handle one of her panic attacks?" jj asked, kiara shook her head looking at the ground "that's what i fought" well, saying that jj hadn't become more a dick then how much he was before it's an understatement, but he was trying his best, especially with his friends.
jj walked into the château and jo was standing in the middle of the living room. she was sobbing, taking big breaths while tears were falling down her cheeks. she felt her knees get weak and in that moment jj hugged her from behind, taking her hands into his and placing them over her chest. he rested his chin over her shoulder and gently kissed her neck to make her relax as he made circles with his thumbs over her hands "come on, baby, you know what you gotta do" he whispered.
tears were still falling down her cheeks, thinking about john b and sarah was hard. everything around her seemed meaningless, her best friends were gone and she didn't know how to deal with that.
she tried to focus, focus on jj's chest raising and falling slowly against her back. she closed her eyes and focused on his hot breath against her skin, memories filling her mind. she tried to focus on his thumbs making circles over her hands. she tried to remember how his skin felt against hers. she tried to remember his hands moving slowly down her stomach, down her thighs.
she couldn't believe he was hers and she let him go.
her breath was slowly going back to normal when she turned around, still crying as she hugged jj. her arms around his waist, his arms over her shoulder as she placed her forehead against his chest. he missed this, his missed her touch, his missed her and he couldn't say it.
"everything's gonna be okay, baby. i promise, we'll be fine" he whispered as he kissed her head
she shook her head "i don't know if i'm gonna be fine"