History of You and Me

Chapter 17

Bucky

When I got home after the whole thing with Diane I felt very weird.

Most of my clothing pieces were dry so I just left the underneath clothing and put the rest to dry.

d i a n e d i a n e d i a n e d i a n e d i a n e

All that had been going on in my head for the past week or so has been Diane.
God what is she doing to me

After all these years I thought I was done with
her And the feelings she brought me

I sat on my bed and groaned

All of those buried and wounded feelings came back harder and worse. After all these years too.. And I kissed her making it even worse

I was pacing my room now

They're all coming back, all of those feelings. Pouring into my heart unexpectedly. Not like I have anything in the way to not love her.. I just feel like I can't.

She's always been my Diane. We've always been together. I've had a crush on her for what feels like an eternity.
When I finally felt like she might have felt the same. It was too late

That time at Elizabeth's party. It's burned into my brain the yearning I felt for her at the time. In the storage closet, when she said she didn't like anyone at that party, my young heart shattered. I wished so hard she liked me and that we could one day feel what it was like to go on a date. But it never happened

And now I get this second chance with her. It must be a sign to go for it. She's back and we're older. More free will, and all the time in the world. She's been more flirty to me, more flirty than I remember. One part of me says go for it another part says let the moment pass like I did before.

She rejected me in the past. We were young and most of her excuses consisted of "my mom won't let me date" "but you're like a brother to me" "we're too young to date"

But now if I told her we have nothing to keep her together, no school, no Steve, no small town, no parents, no mutual friends, none of it.
What if I tell her and she's gone for good and we go our separate ways.

I should just get a cat and call it a day instead of wanting a girl.

Just as I had calmed down. She called me.
It feels like she knows and she does all of this to fuck me over.

"Hi dee"
"Hi buck"

I think I can just get over her then I hear her voice and my mind just melts.

"What's up?"
I ask sitting on my bed
"couldn't sleep. Thought of calling you"
She let out a sigh
"Well considering we were together less than an hour ago what more could we have to talk about"

I can never stay still on a call I'm always walking around, so I start to walk down my stairs

"I wish you could get drunk like the old days. It would be so much fun to get drunk together like we used to"
"Well if I really really tried I might be able to.. get drunk"
"Meh"

"Am I just the replacement dahlia since you two aren't talking?"
"Kinda"
She laughs
"Good to know"

I go over to my fridge and stare at it. She quietly yawns
"You should go to bed"
I tell her as I close the fridge
"I'm not tired"
"You obviously are"

I go and sit down
"Hey are you still working at the bar or did you quit?"
"Still working. I have work tomorrow night"
"Well go to sleep so you won't be tired for work"
She sighs
"Ok goodnight"
She hangs up before I can even say anything

I hold the phone in my hand and just take a second to collect myself then I call Steve.