Free Book Reviews - 2023

5 • Unfortunately Misplaced Love

Book:
Unfortunately Misplaced Love

Author:
@Upgrade-ninja

Chapters Read: 5

Title: Unfortunately misplaced love. Two words are missing their caps, and that's an eyesore.

I don't know about you, but I might have dropped the adverb. Misplaced Love is unfortunate enough in itself, right?

Cover: I don't know a better way to put this, and I did say I would be utmost honest so... The cover is bad. I'm really sorry, but I wouldn't give it a second glance if I saw it in a list of books.

I'm going to tell you why.

1. The image quality.

It's blurry. The saturation, hue, and lightness levels have been tampered with—unless that's how is was already. In that case, I don't know why you picked it.

2. The image itself.

Trees. A forest. Some sunlight. Even if your story had everything to do with a forest, trees is one of the dullest backgrounds you could use*. Why? Because it's overused.

As I've mentioned in a previous review, your cover should reflect your story, more importantly, something particular and of significance. Is there a recurring theme or prop? 

*Not to contradict myself here, but I love tree backgrounds—but only when done right. (Think of Down World by @geminirosey.)

3. Where is the title?

Oh, right. At the top. But I can hardly see it. A long title squashed into one one line kind of does that to your eyes.

Moreover, orange against an orange background is bound to make your title disappear. Even if you put a white stroke around it (because, in your case, the text is too small).

On the other hand, the subtext (aka your authors' name) is clearly visible.

Blurb: Intriguing. Short. Characters, conflict, and questions are introduced. Now here's my conflict.

There are redundancies, extra wordiness, and run-on sentences. You want to capture the essence of your story with as few and as strong words as possible. This leaves a stronger impression on the reader, as compared to a long wordy blurb that feels like a boring essay.

First Impression: Don't judge books by their cover. Perhaps this saying will turn out to be true.

•••

Inciting Incident: So Ivan (main character 1) is going to his wife, Lucy's (main character 2) shrine to meet her parents...

General Plot: The fantasy plus modern aspect stupifies me. What on earth is going on? Are we in a city—countryside? Stone ages—oh, no, there's a stove. And what shrine? Wait—fur on his back? Are they werewolves? Oh hey, a hairless tail! Are those ears twitching? 

As you can see...a lot of clarification is needed. The time frame, setting, and characters (and what they are) should be made clear to the reader right from the beginning.

I believe you are afraid of making an infodump. I also believe you understand the famous saying: show, don't tell.

Yes, you do show us what happens instead of counting off events on your fingers—at least for the most part. But the important key information meant to be shown with clarity is too vague. Take Jackson (the protagonist), for example. We're told he has fur on his back. A little later, a tail. Later yet, twitching ears.

Maybe my confusion relates to my inexperience with the fantasy genre.

Either that or the fact the blurb doesn't clarify certain aspects. Like the fantasy genre. Shrine, yeah, but no hairless-tailed creatures.

But the final blow comes in chapter five when it's finally stated what he is. A big, furry albino moth with four arms and large wings.

Huh. Didn't see that one coming.

Writing Technique: Grammar. That's the issue I'm seeing here. With a handful of writing rules applied, your work will change drastically—for the better.

I believe you and your editor's effort put together makes for an...intriguing style. At points I find myself drawn into the description. This is admirable considering the level of grammar, which needs improving.

For example. There are too many exclamation marks! It's not necessary! You're trying to strengthen your sentence with punctuation instead of strong words! Even when someone shouts, unless it's one poignant word, then it's still not necessary! You get it, right?!

And that too. The mashup of an exclamation point and question mark isn't correct. It's one or the other.

On the subject of grammar mistakes, I'd now like to address the general Wattpad writer population:

Even though receiving feedback on your first draft is wonderful, what's more, important is the quality of your story. Think reader first. When writing a story, I often move scenes around, cut scenes, change names, and even remove an entire character. However, if readers are still willing to go through the messy first draft process, it's the writer's gain! Their input does help a lot.

Moving on.

At times the choice of words, especially in the dialogue, feel a bit overworked—I believe this is a result of the difference in you, the writer, and the editor's writing style.

The point-of-view jumps from character to character. As the writing rule goes, assign one character per chapter. One character per scene might be confusing. (as there tend to be two to three scenes in a chapter).

When the next scene begins, use a separator. Like this:

***

It indicates a change of scene, time, place, or character. If you do change the point-of-view, write the character's name right under the separator.

Lastly... The chapters aren't numbered. Why? Numbered chapters give readers a steady feel of progression. Numbered chapters give writers a steady feel of where they stand in the plot.

For example, if you aim for your story to be roughly 50,000 words, and about 30 chapters, you know something is wrong if the inciting incident hasn't occurred by chapter ten.

Main Character: Jackson. He's such a pushover it's annoying. I understand people like this exist in real life, but with writing, you must make sure the main characters have likable traits. This is a more technical aspect of writing. Still, I don't come across this archetype often, so it's sort of refreshing.

Other Characters: Lucy should get a taste of her own medicine, that's what I think. She walks blindly into a relationship with Ivan as a result of conflict between her and her husband. This is sure to create some intense conflict in the future. And I say Ivan will definitely disappoint her.

Preston. I thought the Preston guy was funny and cute and served as comic relief.

What to improve:
- Read the dialogue aloud, preferably with someone reading the other speaker's part. You'll know when it feels unnatural. When that happens, try to word it out like you might to a friend—or if the situation in the story calls for it, to a boss or superior.
- Drop the exclamation marks.
- Remove redundancies.
- Look for boring, ranting descriptions and tap into the five senses. What are the key things you see, smell, hear, feel, or taste in your mind that strike the most vivid picture?
- Use separators.
- Include the missing punctuation.
- Number your chapters.

Final Impression:
Regardless of the exclamation marks, I'll go ahead and read on anyway. I'm intrigued. I'd like to know what happens next. Keep up the good work!