Book: The Boy Who Broke The Worl
Author: @ZodiaLXXII
Genre: Fantasy/Urban
Story Type: Novel
Chapters read: 3
Title
Broke is a strong verb. A boy who broke the world is an interesting wordplay. "A boy" feels insignificant, as opposed to "the boy". If this is intentional, then it's an attentive decision.
Cover
Well, the cover. Am I allowed to critique, seeing as though I made it? In my opinion, it's art, for one. That counts as authenticity. I do like the colours, the purple especially. It gives of a mysterious feel. The text is slightly whimsical, suggesting a supernatural element.
Blurb
The blurb is short and get straight to the point. The goal and motivation are revealed, but... What exactly are the stakes, apart from the obvious? The final hook question is missing. Also, I feel you can provide a bit more interesting information, fewer words used to describe.
First Impressions
I'm curious about what, and how exactly Kayden ends up with the world in his hands. How is he going to handle this responsibility ? Let's see what this story is about.
•••
Inciting Incident
The inciting incident crashes in with a force. Unforseen, sudden, and strong. Imagery is good here. I can tell you've spent a considerable amount of time on this part.
Writing Technique
🔶 You posses an easy, natural voice which I assume is close to your own manner of speaking.
🔶 Imagery is good when it needs to be — but remember, it should be just as sharp and thorough throughout every moment and every scene.
General plot
The exposition drags, albeit just a fraction. Even if this is to introduce all our characters, setting and relationships, it's still imperative that this is kept as short as possible. Especially as the inciting incident is so stark, readers might rush through the entire set-up to see what happens.
There is a nice undercurrent throughout the introduction; what exactly does Kayden want to tell Rachel?
The first chapter ends in a cliffhanger, awesome.
In the second chapter, I laugh at Kayden's fate. All twenty-five of his classmates, Mrs. Steele, and the bus driver? The setting, though, is lacking a bit. Yes, we can conjure a vauge idea, but a few more essentail details are missing. We get about Kayden's normal routine two years after the incident, aka the inciting incident. Immediately I'm anticipating another incident, one that starts off the present story.
In the third chapter, there appears the plot twist. A good one at that, and again unanticipated. Let the story truly begin.Each chapter begins and ends resolutely. Good to know you've planned this out.
Characters
Kayden is a good canvas to experience the story through. He's not too much of this or that, although his past certainely speaks for itself. I think Kaydens' actions reflect what a reader will wish for him. I also think his personality needs to be fleshed out more. I'm grasping for specific traits or quirks.
Rachel. I don't know whatever prejudice she has against Kayden, but I feel she has some good traits which reveal an important part of Kaydens' personality.
Stella frankly is annoying. This is a good thing in disguise — as long as the readers feel something towards a character, it means their personality is strong enough to cause a reaction. I wonder how, or if, she will be involved in the rest of the story. Is she a main character, or are we going to be saying goodbyes soon?
What to improve + techniques
🔷 Shorten the exposition a tad bit -- start as soon as possible.
🔷 Read your story aloud. This is an underrated technique for correcting the flow of your sentences. Whiles doing so, brush up on the word choice, which is sometimes unsuitable for the situation, hence resulting in a falter.
🔷 DO NOT. USE. ALL-CAPS.
🔷 Specify the location from the start.
🔷 Flesh out Kayden's personality.
Corrections
🔸In the second chapter: "His dark circles hadn't gotten any smaller" is not only is a telling phrase, but tells us what has not happened, and is in the passive voice. Replace this with something along the lines of: "Just like yesterday, dark circles rimmed his eyes."
🔸In the sentence of the second paragraph of the blurb (...all l hopes of living a normal life were dashed...) The verb "to be" is conjugated in the past tense. Change this to the present tense.
🔸In the first chapter, I think you mean the opposite by "Will lost his cool".
Extra Perspective
⭐ Character motivations: Whatever Kayden's goal will turn out to be, he certainly has enough motivation owing to his experience in the past. How much you utilise this up to you.
⭐ Changing the POV: The rule is one point-of-view per scene. Keep that in mind and you're good to go.
Final impression
By the looks of all the things that are happening, we're in for a ride! This idea is not one I've come across before, so there's definitely a good story to be discovered.
Keep up the good work!
YOU ARE READING
Free Book Reviews - 2023
Random✅ [OPEN] • • • I spend a lot of time reading on Wattpad. The well-written, polished books. I wouldn't touch a book with a barge pole if there's a celebrity on the cover. Nor will I continue reading a story that has typos in the first sentence. HOWE...
