Free Book Reviews - 2023

11 • Bodyguard's Love

Book: Bodyguard's Love

Author: @Kawaii_Imy

Genre: Romance/fantasy

Story Type:  Novel

Chapters read: 6

Title
Straightforward and exact, the surface story gleaned from the blurb. I can't help but feel there is a better choice though, something a bit deeper and more unique to your story.

Cover
I love the art. The warm colors complement each other beautifully.

However, I feel like a calligraphic font will work in favor of both the story and the cover.

The glow behind the text makes it stand out. Love it.

Blurb
The element of surprise works great! "...no one expected..."
I think the blurb has been outlined well and contains the right aspects.

First Impression
Looking at the number of reads and intriguing blurb, there's certainly something good here.

•••

Inciting Incident

I must say. The prologue is beautiful. Not only do we establish backstory, but also an emotional connection. Now I'm rooting for the main character.

Writing Technique & Grammar

• Right off the bat I notice the strange format. Why is the dialogue bold?
This isn't required and looks more like a blog post or an infographic.

"When dialogue is interrupted by action, it looks like this—" A cough rattled his chest.

"Not like this *cough* at all."

• There are far too many exclamation marks. Focus on describing the emotion and action instead to convey the importance.

• The vocabulary doesn't always match with the time era. You may get away with this once or twice, but for the best reader experience and overall quality, you should thoroughly research your chosen time era.

• Some scenes are very short, no more than a hundred words. This makes for many transitions and is rather choppy to read. Many scenes can be condensed or even removed completely if it doesn't serve the purpose of character or plot development.

• There is not enough action to balance out the dialogue.

• Even though I rather like the frank, curt Overall description should be fleshed out some more, to give better imagery.

General Plot

I'm happy to see that effort has gone into the plot. Events don't happen by accident, but rather play out accordingly. I see a sweet romance with plenty of dark conflict. I'm interested to see how you will combine all the complications into one solid plot. More importantly, into one awe-inspiring finish.

Each scene has a purpose, which is rare to come by. It starts right on time and ends the same. Good job. There are even some nice cliffhangers, which urge me to read more.

Main Character

 After a while, I realize a recurring quirk. Luana blushes. A lot. Too much. It's fine if you mention it once or twice, especially if it's a habit. In fact, if Luana was real it might be exactly like that. But in writing, you want to avoid repeating words and describing a quirk too many times.

 Besides that, Luana is a likable protagonist who probably has some surprising qualities and character traits up her sleeve.

Other characters

Lucan Koraxos has an interesting duality. He's a stony-faced knight, whispering deadly threats. On the other hand, he is a blushing, love-sick young knight. I look forward to learning more about these two shades of him.

 His Majesty (Arthur)...is obviously hiding his sickness, for what reasons I'm not completely sure of yet, but I'm almost certain his motivations are protecting Luana, from the reality or the impending danger of the reality. Admirable.

 As for the rest of the characters, they appear to be developed well. And for all of the characters, awesome names.

What to improve

- Calm down!!! With the exclamation marks!!!

- Add a bit more description.

- Try to combine scenes, or make them longer, and fewer in each chapter.

- "No reason for the dialogue to be bold." Your choice to change it.

Final Impression

I like what you've done so far. I like your writing style, the characters. I'm going to keep reading and see where the story takes me.